tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1678158103626624695.post3188721738377569983..comments2023-10-08T11:46:38.104-07:00Comments on Tatum Time: The Answer is Usually No...Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10223228768595705300noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1678158103626624695.post-57809977774635502452013-06-16T15:11:43.879-07:002013-06-16T15:11:43.879-07:00I had this in my files about what *not* to say to ...I had this in my files about what *not* to say to the grieving. I honestly don't know where I got it from, so don't know who to credit. I also think most people who grieve will say these things to themselves, and it is helpful - but coming from others is not always as good (add anything that begins with "at least..." to this same rule). I know pretty much none of these would offend you, and you might even find comfort in some of them (since we all grieve differently). But I think it is generally a good list:<br /><br />Psychological studies have shown that advice and expressions of reassurance are the most common expressions of sympathy and at the same time are felt by bereaved people to be the least helpful. Such statements tend to diminish the importance of the mourner's experience, to "take away their grief". They also end up adding to the isolation of those who have experienced a loss, either leaving them convinced that people just don't understand what they are going through or making them insecure about whether it is "normal" to feel what they feel.<br /><br />The following are examples of the kind of advice bereaved parents can do without:<br /><br />"Be brave. Don't cry." <br />"It's time to put this behind you and get on with your life." <br />"You shouldn't question God's will." <br />"Stop feeling sorry for yourself." <br />"You should get out more." <br /><br />Unhelpful reassurances like the following should also be avoided, since they tend to rationalize the tragedy for the "comforter" at the expense of the valid feelings of the "comforted":<br /> <br />"Death comes to all of us." <br />"Death is a part of life." <br />"This happened for the best." <br />"It's all part of God's plan." <br />"Be thankful you have another child." <br />"You're young, you'll have other children." <br />"There was probably something wrong with the baby, anyway." <br />"It was better for the baby to die before you got to know it." <br />"It wasn't really a person yet." <br />"Now you have a little angel in heaven." <br /><br /><br />What Not to Say to the Grieving <br /><br /> <br />1. The number one "No No" word is the word "closure."<br /><br />2. "Your loved one is in a better place"<br /><br />3. "You need to go on with your life - let it go"<br /><br />4. "I know how you feel"<br /><br /><br />5. "He is up with God looking down on me"<br /> <br />6. "Things happen for a reason"<br /><br />7. "God needs him more than we did"<br /><br />8. "He will no longer be in pain"<br /><br />9. "It will be all right"<br /><br />10. "It will get better"<br /><br />11. "It was God's will"<br /><br />12. "He was in the wrong place at the wrong time" <br /><br />13. "Time heals all wounds" <br /><br />14. "You are so strong" <br /><br />15. "I admire your courage" <br /><br />16. "No sense in crying over spilled milk"<br /> <br />17. "Life goes on" <br /><br />18. "Count your blessings" <br /><br />19. "Only the good die young" <br /><br />20. "You still have your memories" <br /><br />21. "What doesn't kill you, helps you" <br /><br />22. "God didn't give you anything you cannot handle" <br /><br />23. "God has something better for you in store" <br /><br />24. "This will pass" <br /><br />plaidspoliticshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00393586634918991649noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1678158103626624695.post-1416696422612338222013-06-11T19:59:36.839-07:002013-06-11T19:59:36.839-07:00I love reading your blog and I am so thankful for ...I love reading your blog and I am so thankful for your strength through all of this....you are amazing.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07235054435507372364noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1678158103626624695.post-27727645463033716472013-06-11T07:51:05.595-07:002013-06-11T07:51:05.595-07:00I am not kidding when I say that I literally went ...I am not kidding when I say that I literally went through all of my comments ( I may have missed a few...can't remember when I started commenting) to make sure I didn't say anything that might have hurt your feelings. <br /><br />We pray for you every night that you find comfort and peace and eventually the joy you have remembering Trevin will soon be the joy you have remembering Tatum. <br /><br />We love you!<br /><br />Tanika<br /><br />P.S. I hope you got the flowers...I wasn't 100% of your address when I sent them. :) <3 <3 Tanika https://www.blogger.com/profile/14297984020304401296noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1678158103626624695.post-43932846065437875822013-06-11T06:58:25.314-07:002013-06-11T06:58:25.314-07:00I remember when carrying Aaron that a friend asked...I remember when carrying Aaron that a friend asked me what kinds of things not to say because she didn't want to say those. When I thought about it, I told her I really didn't know. It depended on the person, the place, and mostly where I was at the time. But a hug always helped, even if it made me cry. I'm so sorry, my friend. Let me know when it's a good time to come by. Love you.CompatibleWithJoyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15804848700505881466noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1678158103626624695.post-45752245730466489772013-06-11T06:36:31.860-07:002013-06-11T06:36:31.860-07:00Please keep writing! I love to hear your insights....Please keep writing! I love to hear your insights. It really is so hard to know what to say. When in reality there is nothing to say. It Plain hurts and stinks and is what it is!! I love you!! I am praying the days will get easier...step by step, moment by moment :)Jill Heapshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00066967124817959089noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1678158103626624695.post-83589466872321013172013-06-11T01:38:21.420-07:002013-06-11T01:38:21.420-07:00Heather I made the white daisy wreath, they were f...Heather I made the white daisy wreath, they were from me and Vince. I'm sorry the card must had fallen off. I have always loved daisies and we had them made into wreaths for our babies funerals. I know this sounds weird but daisies have always reminded me of children. Kids love to pick them and they are such a happy looking little flower I have aways thought that they must also have them growing in Heaven. You and your family have been in mine and Vince's thoughts a ton. We love you lots and we are both just so so sorry. XOXOXOXO MichelleVincent Shraderhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16511354686234000129noreply@blogger.com