Tuesday, December 9, 2014

20 Years...

December 9, 1994.  Twenty years ago today,  right about this time, Lance and I were walking ourselves out to the parking lot of Primary Children's Hospital, alone.  We had just witnessed our sweet Trevin graduate to his next phase of life.  It was the hardest, most beautiful experience of my life.  Our nurses name was appropriately, Joy.  I will never forget her kindness towards us.  She really did exude Joy.
What do you do on such a day to remember such a hard anniversary? To remember the sweet son who made you a mother?
Well, I went running, like normal.  Made lunches and made sure that everyone had their things for school.  (Holden nearly walked out the door without his science fair project that he had stayed up til midnight finishing!)  I did my morning tidy.  Got Hilary ready for our exercise class.  Went to exercise class, where I wrenched my back, so now I can barely walk:).  Did some homework.  A few friends came over to visit and have lunch for a bit while the kids played.  I made some appointments for Halea because she is starting her papers for her mission!  I paid some bills.  I thought about dinner, but didn't do anything about it.  I started laundry.  (is this all sounding familiar to anyone?)  Before I knew it, kids were walking through the door.  I got them settled and started out the door to go do some hospital errands before my night class started.  We turned in our final and ended class early.  On the way home I realized it was going to probably be a left over night, or as we call it "fend for yourself night".  I made myself a little dinner and started to fold laundry.  Lance started a movie.  Did some homework while we watched.  Ate an ice cream bar.  Then started some more homework.  I got a few texts from friends that remembered (which I don't ever expect).  Life just carries on.  Important anniversaries are forgotten by most, except to those who are affected by them.

On my way home from school I did have a few moments to reflect on Trevin and the power of his short little life.  Like I said before, he made me a mother.  How powerful is that?  I will never forget that first day that we got to meet him.  We were elated.  How could someone so small make such an immediate impact on your life and your desires for how it would be?  Little did we know just how big his impact would be.  He literally changed the course of our family.  He put me on a path that i would have never chosen willingly, only at his urging and example could I possibly love what my life is today.    I think that my life is amazing, but a lot of people from the outside looking in might think otherwise.  That understanding of what he did for us is what makes the difference.  He taught us a deeper compassion and love and understanding of our Heavenly Father's love for us.  I am forever indebted to him for preparing me and helping me to be able to choose the life that I was supposed to live.  I am so grateful for what i have learned and what i continue to learn from him.
I will never stop missing him and the light he was to us while he was here, but I know he is where he is supposed to be and so I have peace.  I choose peace.  I also know that  Today marks 20 years, 20 years closer to seeing him again! That is a great day.  Love you sweet boy.