I can't stand that my baby here, is 4. It just isn't computing in my mind. I love how cute and independent she is, but it is also really hard for me, because we should also have an adorable sweet toddler. The other thing that has really bothered me is that she is now in a year of her life that Tatum will never be. I didn't realize how hard this would be for me. Last year my world was still somewhat in tact, right now it feels far from it.
We tried to make the entire day a celebration for her. We let her open a little present first thing in the morning and she liked that. We had blown up some balloons and put it out on the counter for her when she woke up. I decided that I wanted to actually "make" the cake from scratch, not a box cake. Dumb! It looked great and smelled great, until I tried to get the cakes out of the round pans to put on the pretty cake plate. Never try a new cake recipe on the day of the birthday. Lesson learned. The cakes just crumbled as I was taking them out of the pans. I quickly made a box cake:) So much for trying to be that mom.
Then Halea gave her a mani and a pedi.
We went to church and when we got home we had some lunch.
I started frosting the cake and of course, the cake started crumbing while I was pulling the frosting across the cake!! I just couldn't win. I finally got it somewhat frosted and sort of decorated. This was by far my ugliest cake. She said that she wanted pink and purple, I got close. Luckily she is four and could care less.
That night my niece and her husband came over and our nephew who is here for a month from California came over.
The next few days were spent trying to get everything ready to leave on our big senior trip for Halea. There is a lot of anxiety for me whenever I fly. The fact that Lance and Halea were both going to be on the airplane was really freaking me out. What would happen to the other kids if our plane goes down? Who could raise them? How would they recover from that? This was a constant loop that ran until we landed in New York.
The night before we left the hospital ER called. There was a little 5 month old that came to the ER that died. My friend that I work with responded to the call because we were leaving early the next morning and so I had already given her our work bag. I talked to her later and it was such a sad story. The parents were out of town and the grandma was in charge. My heart was so sick for that family. The grandma, who could possibly never forgive herself. The parents who were not able to be there to hold their sweet baby for his last moments here on earth. Devastating. A few days into our trip, we found out that the father of that sweet baby was Halea's all time favorite High School teacher. Literally, this man inspired Halea to be a better student. He sparked her love for American History. He confirmed that there are still teachers out there that care and go above and beyond their "requirements". She had him her sophomore year, and she still refers to him and his teachings. I could go on and on about how he changed her. To find out that it was him and his wife that lost their sweet baby was awful. Such a reminder of how fragile all of our lives are. We just don't know what is around the corner. I am so grateful for a Heavenly Father that has restored the truth to the earth, that families are forever, that we are eternal beings, that this is not the end. Because of our Savior, we will all overcome death and live again. What hope this knowledge gives. This does not remove the sadness, but it does lend comfort and refuge to our broken hearts.