Monday September 1st was our T-Time foundation hike to the Y. I really didn't stress too much. Everything just came together and we had a great time. We earned a good amount of money and had great weather. I hope that I can find some time this next year to really get some good ideas into action to bring the foundation to the next level. It is dear to my heart and something that is very needed in our little community of loss.
This is a good friend that I met through my work at the hospital. She brought four of her youngest of nine children! Her youngest, sweet mischevious Aaron, was not supposed to live. He is four years old! What a sweet lady to drag herself and her kids out early to come and support us. amazing
Here is most of our crew....
And our family...
A few days later we started the birthday month run. Heidi and I had ours first. It was a weird birthday. She didn't want a cake she wanted brownies. Sounded easy enough. Well it got to about 9:00 at night, and we had been running all day, and I still had not had time to make a pan of brownies, so I told Heidi that we would have brownies on Friday when a few of her friends were coming over for a Spiderman marathon. Of course she was totally understanding and fine with it all. First year that I haven't made her a cake. I felt like a real looser. Luckily a few of my friends had brought some cupcakes for us so we at least had a little treat.
A few days later we started the birthday month run. Heidi and I had ours first. It was a weird birthday. She didn't want a cake she wanted brownies. Sounded easy enough. Well it got to about 9:00 at night, and we had been running all day, and I still had not had time to make a pan of brownies, so I told Heidi that we would have brownies on Friday when a few of her friends were coming over for a Spiderman marathon. Of course she was totally understanding and fine with it all. First year that I haven't made her a cake. I felt like a real looser. Luckily a few of my friends had brought some cupcakes for us so we at least had a little treat.
The rest of the days are a blur until Holden's birthday, which is also a blur except I remember that we had his birthday. This is why I cannot go an entire month without writing. Pretty sure his birthday was a success, he got new bike ramps. His dream come true, my nightmare:) I can't believe that he is 11. I told him that he is still really nice and a little sensitive because he got to be the baby for almost seven years before Hilary came. He was my little buddy for a few years, all by himself while everyone was in school. He also asked for brownies instead of cake, ugh. I guess I am going to have to perfect my brownie making.
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A few weeks ago, we sold the van. This seems and sounds so trivial, and it is, but it was really hard for me. I am still a little bitter about it. There were so many reasons that we needed to sell it. It was terrible on gas. Many times it would be just me or me and Hilary driving around in this enormous car, so it was very impractical. It shimmied when we would drive on the freeway and it was strictly for utility purposes, not super comfortable. I, however, loved that fact that I never had to wonder if we could fit everyone! I loved that when our family was here we could all pile in and go together. I loved that it didn't matter if it got a little dirty. I loved it because we bought it because of Tatum's arrival into our family. I loved it because it was the car that I was driving the day that I rushed into our doctors office, frantic because she was beginning her seizure. I loved it because Hilary remembers Tatum being there with us and she loved the van as much as I did. But it is OK. We got a good deal when we bought it and a great deal when we sold it and now we have a new car that will hopefully get better gas mileage. It feels really small in comparison, but I am getting used to it. I will really miss that van, my Tatermobile as I liked to call it. It was sold to a school, so the kids were hoping that it gets to be the "short bus" for the "special" kids. On to greener pastures.
School has been really fun. Very busy, but fun. There have been a few times that I have shared a few little things about our family. A few people asked me a little more in depth questions about our kids and I was able to share that two of our kids had died. Neither of the people asked any follow up questions. I thought this was really strange, but whatever. Hopefully they will learn as they become real social workers, that you should ask more details when someone shares something personal like that. I brought Hilary to an event that we all had to take shifts at. They all thought she was so cute. So far, the school schedule is working out with the family schedule. Like I said, it is crazy busy, but so far my ship hasn't taken on so much water that we are sinking, yet.
Hilary loves her High School Preschool, as she calls it. She loves her teacher "Mrs. Gail". She is a cute little grandma that taught elementary and High school kids, so she says this is the best of both worlds to get to be with both. I think that she is crazy!!
I have had some opportunities in my classes to stand up for some of my beliefs. I think that this will be a normal thing because the field that I am entering is full of very liberal thinkers. It has been good for me to really consider why I believe the things I do. It is my center in Christ that solidifies and anchors those beliefs in my soul. I am grateful to know the things that i know and to have had the experiences that I have had. I would not be the person I am without each and every one of them.
The hospital was super quiet for the first few weeks of school, thank goodness. It did give me a little false sense of security, schedule wise. It was a little crazy the past few weeks, but I had some really sweet experiences, reminding me of why I am going back to school. I want to be better at what I do. I want to help more. One of the calls to the hospital was for a 19 year old young lady that was a passenger in a car that was full of college students going back to school after a weekend at home. they were heading to a school south east Utah that several of our neighbors are going to. When I got to the girls room the family was visiting with the roommates and friends of this beautiful young girl. It was heart wrenching. All I could see was Halea. I just could not imagine the devastation that this family was feeling. The ripple effect of her life and now death was enormous. Her entire story was so amazing and heart breaking. The parents were so strong, shocked but still so strong. They brought their two little boys that were seven and four in to see if we could get them to hold her hand and do a hand mold. They started out by saying, "no way!". I kept kind of talking to them and then by some miracle they all of a sudden changed their minds. We quickly got them done. I was so proud of their courage. They overcame the fear of the unknown. I am sure they were touched in their hearts by the spirit that whispered that they would want these some day. I hope that they will understand the miracle of those hands one day. I was fortunate to have witnessed it. That night, as I drove home, I sobbed like a little baby. I was so overwhelmed with emotion. So grateful for my living children, so grateful for the opportunity that I had to hold both of our kids as they slipped from this world to the next. That is a blessing that I don't know why I got to have that, but I am forever grateful. I felt such a connection to this sweet family. I just wanted to help them and be a part of their "recovery". I hope that I can keep in touch with them and see how things turn out for their family. They have certainly left an imprint on my heart.
I will end with this final thought for the month. In August I was asked to give a talk at another ward in our stake, the ward that used to be a part of our ward until we split. So I know a lot of the people, and I was excited to get to speak to them. They asked me to share a message about being Anchored in Christ. I was excited about this topic, and humbled because I don't know how good I am at this particular subject. I know that I try, but am I really anchored in Him. As I started reading material and researching and pondering the topic, the idea that kept coming to me was how to become anchored. The how brought me to the fact that we must create an environment around us that allows the spirit to touch us and teach us how to be more anchored in Christ. If we are not constantly creating an environment of goodness around us, as an invitation to the spirit and a protection against all of the evil around us, then we will never be able to achieve true discipleship with the Savior, and be anchored to Him. I feel like for the past few years this has been a focus in my life. I have tried to be more careful about the media, the music, the friends, the activities that I spend time at, etc. I am so not perfect, but I am constantly trying to be engaged in creating a better environment for our home and around myself and my family. Oh how important this is. Sorry for that rant. While I was sitting at a table eating before I was to speak one of the ladies at the table was asking me about my family. I was telling her that our oldest daughter had just left for college. She said, "Oh you are just starting to understand what it's like to have children leave the home". I chuckled and said, "well, I think I am acquainted with that already". This poor lady didn't mean anything by her comment, and I didn't think that she knew about Tatum and Trevin, so I thought I could quietly jab her and not have her completely understand what i was saying. Then I saw her face and she said, "Oh I am so sorry I didn't mean that. Of course you know about that". Then I realized that she did know about Tatum and Trevin, and I felt really bad. Bad Heather!! I have since repented. The talk went better than I expected. I was having trouble organizing it. So I wrote the entire thing, word for word and then I decided to go to bullet points and just talk rather than read a written out talk. This is always a little scary for me, but I know that it is easier and funner for the audience, depending on how it goes I guess. I was on one that night, so I think that it went OK. Hopefully the message came across well. It was really fun for me to think about my own life and try to inspire all of us to do a little better.
A few weeks ago, we sold the van. This seems and sounds so trivial, and it is, but it was really hard for me. I am still a little bitter about it. There were so many reasons that we needed to sell it. It was terrible on gas. Many times it would be just me or me and Hilary driving around in this enormous car, so it was very impractical. It shimmied when we would drive on the freeway and it was strictly for utility purposes, not super comfortable. I, however, loved that fact that I never had to wonder if we could fit everyone! I loved that when our family was here we could all pile in and go together. I loved that it didn't matter if it got a little dirty. I loved it because we bought it because of Tatum's arrival into our family. I loved it because it was the car that I was driving the day that I rushed into our doctors office, frantic because she was beginning her seizure. I loved it because Hilary remembers Tatum being there with us and she loved the van as much as I did. But it is OK. We got a good deal when we bought it and a great deal when we sold it and now we have a new car that will hopefully get better gas mileage. It feels really small in comparison, but I am getting used to it. I will really miss that van, my Tatermobile as I liked to call it. It was sold to a school, so the kids were hoping that it gets to be the "short bus" for the "special" kids. On to greener pastures.
School has been really fun. Very busy, but fun. There have been a few times that I have shared a few little things about our family. A few people asked me a little more in depth questions about our kids and I was able to share that two of our kids had died. Neither of the people asked any follow up questions. I thought this was really strange, but whatever. Hopefully they will learn as they become real social workers, that you should ask more details when someone shares something personal like that. I brought Hilary to an event that we all had to take shifts at. They all thought she was so cute. So far, the school schedule is working out with the family schedule. Like I said, it is crazy busy, but so far my ship hasn't taken on so much water that we are sinking, yet.
Hilary loves her High School Preschool, as she calls it. She loves her teacher "Mrs. Gail". She is a cute little grandma that taught elementary and High school kids, so she says this is the best of both worlds to get to be with both. I think that she is crazy!!
I have had some opportunities in my classes to stand up for some of my beliefs. I think that this will be a normal thing because the field that I am entering is full of very liberal thinkers. It has been good for me to really consider why I believe the things I do. It is my center in Christ that solidifies and anchors those beliefs in my soul. I am grateful to know the things that i know and to have had the experiences that I have had. I would not be the person I am without each and every one of them.
The hospital was super quiet for the first few weeks of school, thank goodness. It did give me a little false sense of security, schedule wise. It was a little crazy the past few weeks, but I had some really sweet experiences, reminding me of why I am going back to school. I want to be better at what I do. I want to help more. One of the calls to the hospital was for a 19 year old young lady that was a passenger in a car that was full of college students going back to school after a weekend at home. they were heading to a school south east Utah that several of our neighbors are going to. When I got to the girls room the family was visiting with the roommates and friends of this beautiful young girl. It was heart wrenching. All I could see was Halea. I just could not imagine the devastation that this family was feeling. The ripple effect of her life and now death was enormous. Her entire story was so amazing and heart breaking. The parents were so strong, shocked but still so strong. They brought their two little boys that were seven and four in to see if we could get them to hold her hand and do a hand mold. They started out by saying, "no way!". I kept kind of talking to them and then by some miracle they all of a sudden changed their minds. We quickly got them done. I was so proud of their courage. They overcame the fear of the unknown. I am sure they were touched in their hearts by the spirit that whispered that they would want these some day. I hope that they will understand the miracle of those hands one day. I was fortunate to have witnessed it. That night, as I drove home, I sobbed like a little baby. I was so overwhelmed with emotion. So grateful for my living children, so grateful for the opportunity that I had to hold both of our kids as they slipped from this world to the next. That is a blessing that I don't know why I got to have that, but I am forever grateful. I felt such a connection to this sweet family. I just wanted to help them and be a part of their "recovery". I hope that I can keep in touch with them and see how things turn out for their family. They have certainly left an imprint on my heart.
I will end with this final thought for the month. In August I was asked to give a talk at another ward in our stake, the ward that used to be a part of our ward until we split. So I know a lot of the people, and I was excited to get to speak to them. They asked me to share a message about being Anchored in Christ. I was excited about this topic, and humbled because I don't know how good I am at this particular subject. I know that I try, but am I really anchored in Him. As I started reading material and researching and pondering the topic, the idea that kept coming to me was how to become anchored. The how brought me to the fact that we must create an environment around us that allows the spirit to touch us and teach us how to be more anchored in Christ. If we are not constantly creating an environment of goodness around us, as an invitation to the spirit and a protection against all of the evil around us, then we will never be able to achieve true discipleship with the Savior, and be anchored to Him. I feel like for the past few years this has been a focus in my life. I have tried to be more careful about the media, the music, the friends, the activities that I spend time at, etc. I am so not perfect, but I am constantly trying to be engaged in creating a better environment for our home and around myself and my family. Oh how important this is. Sorry for that rant. While I was sitting at a table eating before I was to speak one of the ladies at the table was asking me about my family. I was telling her that our oldest daughter had just left for college. She said, "Oh you are just starting to understand what it's like to have children leave the home". I chuckled and said, "well, I think I am acquainted with that already". This poor lady didn't mean anything by her comment, and I didn't think that she knew about Tatum and Trevin, so I thought I could quietly jab her and not have her completely understand what i was saying. Then I saw her face and she said, "Oh I am so sorry I didn't mean that. Of course you know about that". Then I realized that she did know about Tatum and Trevin, and I felt really bad. Bad Heather!! I have since repented. The talk went better than I expected. I was having trouble organizing it. So I wrote the entire thing, word for word and then I decided to go to bullet points and just talk rather than read a written out talk. This is always a little scary for me, but I know that it is easier and funner for the audience, depending on how it goes I guess. I was on one that night, so I think that it went OK. Hopefully the message came across well. It was really fun for me to think about my own life and try to inspire all of us to do a little better.
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