Overwhelming Goodness...

For several years I have used a cupboard that is just above our ovens to put things that the kids bring home from school, pictures, cards, etc.  I put them there until I can go back and file them where they need to go.  Each of the kids has a big tub that holds all of their special things from growing up, their loved blankets, some of my favorite outfits, school work, etc.  One day they will each take that tub with them and do with it what they want.  For the last few years I have put all of the cards, hospital bracelets, hospital bills, etc. for Tatum in this cupboard.  It has been a daunting and frightening thought for me to think about going through and organizing it all.  If you have any sort of OCD in your personality, however, you will understand that it has been driving me crazy that it is not organized:)  There was also an address that I wrote down of one of the sweet nurses from Primary Childrens Hospital that I wanted to find so I could send her a thank you note.  I knew once I got it all out it was going to be a several hour project.  

Several weeks ago I was shopping with a friend and I found a really cute box that I thought would work perfect.  It has sat in my room waiting for me to find the mental energy to attack.  Well, yesterday was the day.  I don't even know exactly how I decided, but I just started.    The first several piles weren't too difficult because they were mostly things from the other kids or things that I needed to throw away, which is always a high for me.  I LOVE decluttering.  

Then I started delving into the hard stuff.  It was exactly as hard as I thought it was going to be.  I was a little surprised at the different emotions that surfaced.  I was obviously sad, and my heart ached to hold and kiss my sweet Tater bug.  I missed the feeling I had just being around her.  I missed my former life with her.  But as I read almost every card, the foremost emotion that I was feeling was one of deep deep gratitude and overwhelming humility.  All of the cards, and kind little things that people did for us brought back the remembrance of how blessed we were by all that surrounded us.   I had never experienced such love and devotion from friends and family.  I was overcome as I remembered.  I could not believe how many people followed the promptings of the spirit. 

 

I was about half way through the process when there was a knock at my door.  I didn't really want to answer, because I was pretty emotional, but I did.  There at my door stood one of my good friends with a delicious caramel chocolate cupcake in hand!   What in the world.  These little gifts have not stopped.  They obviously are not as frequent, but ALWAYS right when they are needed most.  I know that my Heavenly Father has not forgotten us in our grief.  In fact I see His gracious hand every day, blessing me through others.  The goodness is simply overwhelming. 

In our Relief Society class on Wednesday night we talked about how the Savior knows each one of us.   He knows and understands both the universe, and the one.   When He was going to heal Jairus's daughter in Matthew 9, Jesus is stopped by the "unclean" woman who touched his garment in faith, knowing that if she could just touch the hem of His garment she could be healed.  He stopped, delaying His departure to heal Jairus's daughter, to not only heal but to listen to this desperate yet faithful woman.  This woman had waited and prayed for 12 years to be cured.  In that time she had lost everything and was both physically and spiritually injured. He stopped because He cares, and because He knows and remembers each one of us.  I will never understand how He can do the things that He does, much like I don't understand how an airplane flies in the air.  That will never make sense to me.  But I know that airplanes can fly, I have seen it.  Just like I have seen the power of the spirit guide and direct people to do things that they would not normally do, just to help me know that everything is going to be OK.  Instruments in the hands of the Lord.  He loves me.  He loves us.  

Not to mention, by accident I remembered that it was March, which means SHAMROCK SHAKES at McDonald's.  I almost forgot!! Coincidence, I think NOT.

I was so excited that I forgot to take a picture before I had eaten half of it.  Last year Lance went and got a huge one for me while we were in the hospital with Tates.  I think that day I hadn't eaten much, except that shake, so I was zooming on a sugar high the rest of the night.  Love me a Shamrock Shake.