Saturday, October 26, 2013

Survived Another Friday..

I am one that tries really hard not to focus on the negative.  So the past month or so I have made an effort to try and not associate Friday with a negative feeling, even though it is a hard day because it is the day that Tatum and Trevin both died on.  It is a weird phenomenon that somehow your body just knows.   It seems like I still have this heavier feeling on that day.  This past Friday I was just feeling sluggish and sort of like I just wanted to accomplish nothing, but I had things that I needed to do.  I started going through the motions and then I stepped back and realized that it was Friday.  Without even consciously thinking about it, my body and my spirit knew.  Luckily I had made plans to go up to have lunch with Hilary's BFF and his wife:)  I had fun visiting with them.  Hilary's little cousins were over so she had fun playing with them, it was a win win.
Later in the afternoon a few of my friends said that they wanted to come and plant some daffodils so that when winter is seeming long, all of a sudden some beautiful sunshine will bloom in our yard.  I have always wanted to plant daffodils and I don't know why I haven't.  They truly are one of my favorite of the bulb flowers.  Probably because they are one of the first to bloom and a sign that winter will soon be over, and spring is coming.  I am so grateful for all of the people that continue to walk beside me in this unbearable grief.  I will never be able to repay what has been done in my behalf.

They even let me tell them where I wanted them to be!  I am so excited to see them bloom.

Friday night was crazy. I was running kids everywhere, then I took Holden and Hilary to our local city Halloween carnival.  Because I was running kids, we didn't get to the carnival until about 1/2 hour before it closed.  As we pulled up, I saw people leaving and I realized that they were all in costumes.  Of course they were, dah!  It's a Halloween Carnival, get it?  Perfect. Hilary said that it wasn't Halloween so she wasn't supposed to wear her costume and Holden could care less, he just wanted to get the candy.  Here is why I will always show up with just 1/2 hour til close.  The kids got to do everything that they wanted to do, the lines were pretty short, the trick or treat people were giving hand fulls of candy because they wanted to get rid of it, and I only had to be there for 30 minutes and the kids thought I was the best for bringing them at all.  It was fantastic.

I decided late Friday night to get up in the morning and go to the Temple.  When my alarm went off I was a little unsure why, then I remembered that I had set it so I could try and make the 6:30am session.  I quickly got ready and off I went.  The whole time I was driving there I kept saying, please let me make the 6:30 session.   I was running late and I didn't want to have to wait 30 minutes until the next session.  I know bad attitude, but I just didn't want to sit for that long cause I was pretty tired.  I went inside the Temple, trying to relax and not be rushed so I could enjoy the spirit.  I left the dressing room at 6:29am, so I was sure that I missed the session.  When I got to the top of the stairs where they direct you to go and wait for the next session, the lady worker standing there asked me if I was waiting for someone.  That was a puzzling question, I answered no.  She whispered that they were holding the session for me and directed me to an open door just a few feet away.  I thanked her and quickly walked in the door.  Everyone was already seated and as soon as the door was closed they began the session!   I have NEVER had that happen before.     I figured that Trevin and Tatum had whispered to that sweet lady, "wait just a minute our mom is coming, she's just a little behind, but she is coming and she could use a little break today".  What do you think?  They are closer than we think:)

The rest of the day was beautiful.  It was fairly relaxing ish.  We were doing things all day, but I didn't feel super stressed.  Zoe and I went for a fun run.  I was going to try and sneak out and not bring her, but she was starting to whine while I was getting my clothes and shoes on.  Then when I started my watch she really started moaning and ran to the door.  How could I deny her.  She was way more excited than I was.  Unfortunately she almost got attacked by three different dogs while we were running, but she just loves it anyway.
She doesn't look excited in this picture, but she was smiling the entire time we were running.  I love her enthusiasm for the simple things in life.  She is good therapy for me.  She has a way of pulling me out of the darkness that can sometimes creep in.

Later in the day I got to go on a bike ride with my friend and her sister and her parents.  So much fun.  Such a beautiful, perfect day.  I am loving all of the colors in the trees.  I am anxious because I know that it is going to end soon and we will be confined to our house.  Ahhh.  I have been setting up safeguards with friends so that I don't fall into a depression.  I have been so grateful for the summertime weather these past few months.  It  has been really good for me to be outside and in the sun.  Here are some of the colors from our backyard:

We still have a few roses!  They smell so sweet and look so beautiful and delicate.  They make me smile. Love it.

The other day one of my neighbor's daughters posted a profound message on her instagram and I asked her if I could share it.   She said "We spend so much time asking the Lord to cure our hardships, without ever considering that our hardships are curing us."  I don't know if this is her own quote or if it is from someone else, so I don't know who to credit.  I will credit her for posting it.  I know that the hardships that I have experienced throughout my entire life, each one has had a purpose and I can see things and attributes that I have gained from them.  I know that they have "cured" me of many things that I might otherwise have struggled with.  I am forever grateful for that.  I know that the Lord has a bigger plan for me and my family.  I see the changes and the depth that our kids have gained this past year and I have to be grateful.  I pray that they will always remember the lessons that they have learned and I hope that they allow themselves to be cured through this very difficult trial and the rest of their trials that are to come.  Unfortunately none of us are ever done experiencing hardships.  It makes experiencing some of them a little easier if we can try and see what they are doing for us, what our Heavenly Father wants us to become because of them,  what they are curing within us.  

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