Tatum should have turned 18 months old today. This is sort of a right of passage in our LDS culture. Tomorrow, being Sunday, she would have been able to officially attend her nursery class. This is something that we as parents look forward to. By the time the little ones are about 13-14 months old they do not want to sit still through all three hours of church. (imagine that) I know adults who have a hard time sitting through one hour of church. Triple that and there is trouble in River City for a toddler. What I wouldn't give to be struggling with that, however.
I knew this was going to be a hard day so I was going to just do what I wanted to do and do a lot of it so that I could keep myself distracted. On Friday when I was running I got a phone call from a lady that works at one of the mortuaries that I have done hand molds for. She said that her niece had died and they were wanting to do hand and foot molds of her for her parents. She said that they would have to be done on Saturday or Sunday. I told her that Saturday would work best. We decided that I would meet her around 12:00. Perfect. This little girl was just over a year old. She threw up at home and showed some peculiar signs of illness. They rushed her to the hospital and she was gone in hours. She had meningitis and no one knew. So sad. I thought this would be the perfect thing to do for someone else while I was feeling sorry for myself.
This morning I woke up and helped Halea get out the door to day two of her business conference. What a nerd! Then I laid back down for a bit. Then I read my book for a little bit. Finally I decided that I had better get going. I took Zoe on a run. It was a little chilly to start out, but it ended up being a beautiful day. I got home and did a few things around the house. I had asked Heidi if she wanted to come with me to Salt Lake and after I did the hand molds we could go and do lunch and some shopping. She was a good sport and said yes. I had been wanting to take her out to do something special because she is such a good girl. She has been so helpful with Hilary and really everyone. She is almost always the peace maker in the family. She has done really good at her school work, without being constantly reminded. I gave all of the kids lists of things that I needed them to do for cleaning projects in their room. Done. Almost on the same day. No one else has even done one:) She has also been reading the Book of Mormon as part of a youth program they are doing called RED5 where they read it in 100 days. She is completely caught up, again all on her own. She just deserved a special day just for her.
We got to Salt Lake right around 12:00. There were two aunts of this sweet little baby waiting there to meet me. We started talking as we were doing the molds. They started asking questions about my family and why I do what I do. I got to tell them the quick version of our sweet babies. They were so sweet about it and acted genuinely interested and touched. The one that I had talked to on the phone kept saying how I was an answer to her prayer. It was a really special time. The little girl was just beautiful. Oh how my heart ached for their family. The aunt said that her two older brothers, 5 and 3, keep asking when their little sister is coming back and if Heaven is far away. Ohhh. We did two extra little molds for each of them to have their own. I hope that they turn out good so they will love them.
Heidi and I went to Asian Star for lunch, our favorite Chinese food. Then we hit the mall. We actually had great success, which is not normal for me. We had a really fun time. When we got home Hilary and I walked down to my neighbors house to visit with her for a bit because one of her daughters was here with her family from California. It was really fun to visit with all of them.
While I was there one of my nephews called to ask me a question. We talked for a minute. Later he sent me a text saying that he knew that we were coming up on our six month mark and that he and his wife were thinking of us. Amazing. People are truly amazing. I am the worst friend ever when it comes to dates and birthdays, etc. I am trying to be better, but some people are just thoughtful. That really meant a lot.
As soon as we got home I quickly wrapped presents and we went off to our wedding receptions. It was fun to go and visit and have yummy treats. Such exciting times of their lives. One of the receptions had waffles! and the other had make your own s'mores bar! People are so creative. We had veggie trays and sandwich trays from Walmart:)
While we were out reception hopping, one of my good friends sent me a text wishing Tate's a happy 18 month. Again, how do people think of these things? I guess she was kind of like a second mom to her, so it makes sense. But she has a family of her own and for her to take time to remember just meant a lot. I didn't even say anything to my family because I just didn't think that they needed another day to be sad. Or another day to notice all of the babies all around. There seemed to be a katrillion today. Every where.
When Lance and I got home Heidi and I and her friend and her mom all went to Target. We just wanted to go and look at their cute things and I needed a few things for Monday or there would be no sandwiches for lunches! It was fun and again distracting.
We got home late and everyone scurried off to bed. I worked on some hand molds for awhile and then I did a few more things around the house. I am really exhausted. It wasn't the exact day that I had planned, but it has been very busy, which was probably really good for me.
I can't express how much I miss that sweet little girl. I miss who she was and I miss who she should be right now. I miss all of the things that I should be doing with her. I hope that she knows that and can feel that. I am trying so hard to be the person that I need to become so that she will forever be proud to call me her mother. I love her more than I can express. I am forever changed because of her.
One final note for today. On Thursday my friend and I stopped by the hospital after our meeting. We wanted to see what picture of Tatum they had chosen to hang in the new Labor and Delivery unit. When we got there the lady who has been gathering and framing all of the pictures was there feverishly working on getting them all hung. While we were talking to her, I realized that they had printed both pictures and that they were using them both. She said that they are hanging a huge one of the black and white one that is a close up of her face. That will go right as you enter the L and D unit. It will have her name and birth month and year and then she said they are doing vinyl underneath that will say "Forever in Our Hearts". I nearly lost it at that. Then she said they are hanging the other picture over by the nurses station of the new part of the unit. So sweet. They are so good to me. Really, she will be the cutest one up there, right?