Gentle reminders, or not so gentle. When I woke up on the 4th I was just happy that my birthday was over. I felt a little better to be past all of the looping thoughts that kept running through my mind on my birthday, and that the only thing that I really wanted for my birthday was to have Tatum here. I hoped that I was able to put on a happy enough face for Heidi. I certainly did not want to ruin sweet Heidi's birthday.
I had a pretty busy day. I went and did some hand molds at a mortuary in Salt Lake. It was a brand new sweet little baby. So sad for the family. It was a gentle reminder to be grateful for the time that we were able to have with Trevin and with Tatum. It won't ever seem like enough, but at least we got some time.
When I got home from that a few of my friends took me to lunch to our favorite Chinese food. It is the place that Lance and I went with the girls the day before Tatum had her big seizure. I tried not to think too hard about it. It was a gentle reminder that I have great friends who are there to hold my hand through all of this hard stuff. When I was there with Lance his fortune cookie read : Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. It was unfortunately a very telling fortune. Yesterday my fortune read: You will be successful in the entertainment field. All I can say is Finally and I knew it!! Coming to a theater near you:)
When I got home I hurried and tried to do all of the things that I should have been doing while I was lunching. As I was bustling about one of my neighbors came to my door. She asked me if I had heard about a mutual friend of ours. I hadn't heard anything. She proceeded to tell me that this amazing lady had died on Friday. This sweet friend had suffered a chronic illness for 13 years. I met this person through my work. She did the clay hand print presses for babies and children. We had collaborated here and there through the years. She was always so sweet and generous. It was hard for her to even accept payment for her work when it was for bereavement purposes because she had such a tender heart. Even when she felt horrible and was in a lot of pain, she had a smile on her face and she always made you feel special and never made you think that she didn't have all the time in the world to talk to you. She leaves behind 3 beautiful daughters and a husband. This beautiful lady was younger than me. Another gentle reminder that life is short and we never know when our time is up, so we better make the best of it and live like we mean it! She always did. I am proud to say that I knew her. Her passing leaves the world a little less bright.
In the past few days I have been able to ride my bike down and meet Lance and ride home with him. I usually try to do this a few times a week. Most times I try to listen to good music and think and enjoy the beauty all around us. These are a few pictures that I have taken in the past few days.
Today Hilary and I went to the funeral for a sweet friend. When we got there we entered by the same room where we had the viewing for Tatum. I went over to sign the book and Hilary said, "I want to see Tatum." Something about the way the room was set up triggered and reminded her of Tatum's funeral. The funeral was a beautiful tribute to the life of this sweet wife and mother, who was younger than me. I actually really enjoy funerals. There is always the deepest sadness that comes with having to say goodbye to a loved one, but there is also the deepest spiritual conversations and experiences. The veil is so thin. Hearts are soft and teachable. And you usually get to learn a lot of embarrassing things about the person who died. This lady lived an extraordinary life. It left me wanting to live better, to do better, to be happy for the life I have been given. She would give her right arm to be able to stay and raise her beautiful daughters and to spend the rest of her life with her husband. I need to buck up a little more and be grateful that I get to raise the rest of my kids who are still here.
I am thankful that I have had a few days of gentle reminders. I know that Heavenly Father loves me and wants to help me and so He allows my heart to recognize the gentle reminders that He places in front of me. I am grateful for the gospel that teaches us the plan of salvation. We know this is not the end. We know that through the power of the Atonement we can live as families again. My heart would not survive without that knowledge.