Monday, September 30, 2013

Good People..

Most people who know us know that we are pretty devout BYU football fans.  While Lance was attending BYU we had season tickets to the football games and we really enjoyed the atmosphere.  We especially loved the big BYU/U of U rivalry game that happened every year.  It is a big deal here in the state of Utah.  Several years ago for Father's Day I purchased two season tickets for Lance so that he could go to all of the games and then the older kids and myself would alternate going to the games.  I think that the kids really just went for the kettle corn and the treats, but they also got some fun time alone with dad.  I loved all of it, the treats, the football and the special one on one time with Lance.  The last two years we have not purchased tickets because we felt like they were a little spendy and with the new babies it just got to be too much.  It was a really hard decision to make because he and I both really loved going to the games.  I tell you all of this to give you the background of our love for BYU.  We just had the big rivalry game a few weeks ago, and we LOST!  It was hideous and we have lost the big game the last three years.  It is just hard to even see and look the U of U fans in the eye.  The other day I was shopping in Costco and I was watching  a man standing in another line.  He had his back a little to me and he was standing by his cart with a few kids around it (I assume his kids).  He was watching a cart that was quite a ways away from where he was standing.  There was a little one year old standing in the little front section of the cart.  This man was poised and ready to jump in to action in case that baby lost its balance.  It was the cutest thing.  The man was quite large in stature so I wasn't quite sure how agile or quick he would be, but he was ready!  Just then, the mom came around to the front of the cart and he relaxed and went back to his own kids.  As he turned around I saw that he was wearing a U of U sweatshirt!  I had to concede then that all U of U fans are not thugs!  It was a great distraction for me because I had gone to Costco to see if they had any cute little outfits for Hilary.  It has been really hard for me to think about shopping for clothes for her.  When I look for clothes I always look for her and Tates to have matching or coordinating.  I bought a lot of things from Costco and Walmart for Tates because those were the two stores that were necessities while she was sick, so if she needed something it had to be from either of those stores so I didn't have to waste time running to different stores.  I was glad that the U of U fan was at the checkout to distract me from hating this activity, and he renewed my faith that there are U of U fans that are good people too.  (I hope that you are sensing my sarcasm)

Later on Friday I went and met Lance on my bike and I remembered how much I dislike riding a bike in the cold.  When you are riding a bike the wind chill factor is like ten fold!  Miserable.  And I had good gear.  I looked over at Lance and he was wearing all of this really ghetto gear that could not have been keeping him warm at all.  Even though I was freezing, I still enjoyed the time that I get on the bike.  There is always time to reflect and think about the events of the days.  I love to listen to music and think, and I get a little exercise too.  A win win.  I am grateful for this little bit of time that I get to spend with one of the really good people in my life.

Saturday was going to be a crazy busy day.  We had a funeral a baptism and homecoming and somewhere in there we needed to go to Orem and get Halea a new pair of running shoes, do laundry and hospital errands.  Sigh.

In the morning Halea asked if I wanted to go on her run workout with her.  I am always happy to go with her even though I pretty much am always looking at the back of her.  I have learned to put my pride aside.  She needed to do a workout that involved stop watch timing.  So I was able to be her stop watch/coach.  It was really fun.  The weather was beautiful and it felt really good to be out running with her.  I am grateful that she will include me.  She is another of the good people in my life that is always inspiring me to do better.

After the run I quickly got ready and ran off to the funeral of my friends mother-in-law.  I am weird because I like funerals.  I enjoy the time to reflect on not just the person that died, but my own life and how I am doing.  Am I going to be remembered the way I want to be?  Am I doing the things that I need to be doing?  It was a really sweet funeral.  This mother was far from perfect and yet her kids still remembered the good things about her and seemed genuinely grateful for her.  There is still hope for me!!  I love the time to also remember the Atonement in our lives.   It is for all of us, not just the "good ones".  I am grateful for that knowledge, because I am far from perfect.

We went and got Halea's shoes quick and did my hospital errand.  Then off to the baptism.  Another reminder for the day of that first covenant that we make with our Heavenly Father on our path to return to Him.  Another great time to remember and reflect on our own covenants that we have made, and to be grateful for the great gift of the Holy Ghost.  It is amazing to think about the enormous gift that many receive at such a young age.  You  can tell when someone has learned to utilize that gift at a young age and throughout their life.  It can make such a difference in the direction of your life.  I want to be better at accessing that power.
I couldn't help thinking that this was yet another family event that Tatum would not be there for, nor my sister in law who was the grandmother of the little girl getting baptized.  I am sure they were there in spirit, but we sure miss that physical presence.  My nephew had a little baby girl right before Tates died.  I couldn't help watching her and realizing that she will forever be a marker of time for us.  I have a nephew that is only 5 months younger than Trevin and he was the same for me.  I loved watching him grow up because it helped me to remember what Trevin would be doing.  He is currently serving an LDS mission in California.  Amazing.  I never felt sad or bitter towards him, quite the opposite.  I always wished that we saw him more so that we could enjoy his stages of life.  I am sure that this little baby girl will do the same for me.  She will be a reminder for me of how old Tater bug would be (even though there is a year difference)  and the things that she might be doing.   It is still really hard for me to see babies.  I am just very sad that part of my life is over, and that it ended so abruptly.  I know that will heal as time passes, it is just still very tender for me.  How can you not yearn for that sweetness in your life?

We got home just in time for Heidi to help Halea with her hair, for homecoming.  Notice that it was Heidi helping with the hair.  I have never proclaimed to be great at doing hair, so I am not offended:)
Heidi, another of the "good people" in my life.  Always so sweet and willing to do things for others without a thought.
Halea looked beautiful.

Her instagram picture was way better than mine, so forgive the weird frame around the picture:)  She had a great night with a really great young man.

Sunday started out alright, but quickly unraveled.  I ended up going to the hospital 3 different times, for 4 different families.  The first time that I was there, I was talking to one of the Labor and Delivery nurses that was there the night that Tatum was born.  In fact I had just been thinking about her because she and a few of the other nurses went and got me a cheeseburger and fries the night that Tates was born.  They will forever hold a special spot in my heart.  Food speaks to me:)  Especially after having a baby!  It was just such a perfect night, and it was more special because several of my favorite nurses were there that night.  So we were talking about that.  She asked how I was doing.  We cried a little, and she allowed me to talk about Tatum.  She talked about Tatum.  It was really sweet.  Another one of the good people in my life.  When I went back later that night, there were several other nurses there that are also good people in my life that will forever be a part of my heart because of their love for me during this time.  I am so grateful for the good people that I get to work with.

Sunday night my niece and her husband came over and we played games.  Two more good people in my life.  We had a good time hanging out and talking.  It is almost a year since her mom, Lance's sister, died. We had fun talking about Becky and remembering her.  My niece was saying that Tatum was the last family member that her mom met here on earth, and the first that she got to welcome back to the other side.  I was telling her that I was so grateful that Tatum got sick after Becky died because that would have devastated her.  She had a special tenderness for the babies.  It has been fun having my niece and her husband back from Chicago, I hope that they get to stay in Utah, or Hawaii so if we have to go visit it will be somewhere super fun!

How could I not put this hilarious picture on?  She wanted to dress up as the frog.  Cutest frog ever!  This is what happens on Sunday's at the Walker's. Yet another good person in my life.

When I came home from the hospital on Sunday there was a bag with more Brobies and pin wheels.  More good people, watching out for me and caring for our family.

I just have felt so nourished and lucky to be surrounded by good people in my life.  Especially this past year.  I have so needed the support, and I have certainly received it.  

1 comment:

  1. I just have to tell you that although you do not realize it, you are one of the "good people " in my life! I had my second miscarriage for this year almost 2 weeks ago. I was 14 1/2 weeks along. It has been a tough year for me, but I have been so grateful to follow your blog and see your amazing example of dealing with grief and accessing the power of the Atonement to heal you and your family. I hope my challenges can change me for the better. I cannot imagine the pain and grief you have and continue to experience, but your change for the better continues to change those around you for the better! Thank you for your wonderful example and for sharing your journey.
    Jenny Bullock