Tonight we watched a movie called, "The Strange Life of Timothy Green". As we sat down to watch it I remembered that the kid in it dies. I was a little hesitant to watch it, but I did also hear that it was sweet. So Lance and Hilary and Holden and I watched it. It was really cute. I loved the ending when he tells who he shared his gifts with. It really made me think about Tatum and Trevin and the gifts that I have seen their lives give. It was a sweet premise to the movie that we ALL have gifts to give, we just need to figure out what they are and how to share them. He knew just what he was doing with his live, he understood the plan. Much like Tates and Trev. I know that they knew and understood their plan.
This all got me thinking about a conversation that I was having with a family on Christmas Eve. This family had lost their son a few days before. I had gone to the mortuary to do some hand molds of their little eight year old son for them. I had worked on them for a few days. I wasn't super happy with how they turned out and I was nervous that they wouldn't like them. So I kept working on them until it was Christmas Eve. Then I felt bad because I really wanted to get them to them before Christmas day. I sheepishly sent her a text on Christmas Eve afternoon. She texted me back a few hours later, etc. I finally drove them over to them at about 10:30 pm. Crazy. I was so relieved that they let me come because it was going to really bug me if i didn't get them to them before Christmas. OCD, I know. I was just going to quickly drop them off, but instead we ended up talking for about 45 minutes. Again, I felt really bad. It just seems like they really need someone to talk to and so I wanted to listen and give them what little advice I have for them.
As we were talking I started thinking about the differences of my feelings when Trevin died and when Tatum died. I decided that when Trevin died, my plan was to not let this kill me inside. I didn't want to be bitter, I wanted to keep his memory alive and honor him by being a good person. I wanted to be a better mom because I know that time is precious and we don't always get as much as we hope. And I wanted to survive with my testimony and marriage in tact, and stronger. With Tatum I had all of these things, but I also feel a little greater purpose to do something with the lessons we have learned. So we started the Ttime foundation. I continue to work at the hospital and with Angel Watch and with mortuaries in the area. I hope that I am being a better mom. I am still figuring out what the rest of "the plan" is, but I am working on it. They each taught us such amazing things about life. I don't ever want to forget. I want to honor them by becoming what my Father in Heaven wants me to become. I know that there is purpose in their lives that will manifest through mine. I want them to be proud of what we do and become.
Today I went to the cemetery to clean up their grave sites and to pick up the little pine tree and the adorable glitter house. They were both still there and in good condition! I am going to save the house and hopefully use it for many years. When I got home Hayden asked me where I was and I was telling him that I went to the cemetery. He said something like oh you went to see Tatum. Hilary was standing there and looked up at me and said, "I want to see Tatum too." She seemed quite disgusted with me that I went to see her and didn't take her. Poor thing. I told her that I just went to the cemetery and that I didn't get to see her. Hayden felt bad. I told him that we have to be careful what we say in front of her so we don't confuse her.
Tonight we played a game as a family, minus Halea. We haven't played games for awhile. It was really fun. Those are the things that I know I need to be doing more. Every time we do, I realize how much I really like my family. Sometimes I get bogged down with all of the "work" and I forget that we are supposed to have fun together and love each other. I am working on that.
Hilary was up until 11:00 tonight. I wish that this was rare. She lives such a different life than the other kids did. We are just training her for New Years Eve!! She will be one of the few 3 year olds that will make it to midnight. She got all of her stuffed animals out of their Tupperware containers (she is obsessed with putting her animals into Tupperware, don't ask cause I don't know why) and loaded them into her arms to take upstairs to sleep. She is so funny.
Luckily we remembered to bring her Tatum care bear! She did super good.
I thought that I would post our Christmas card that we sent this year, in case you want to read it. Sorry it is so little, it was the only way we could figure out how to post it ..get out your magnifying glass.