Friday, December 13, 2013

Shock and Awe..

For some reason it has been a few rough days.  I attribute it to Lance and the kids banning me from playing my favorite Hilary Weeks CD in the car.  Her music just allows me to have sweet times in the car because I just really connect to the words.  I smile, I cry, it is very therapeutic.  Well, they were all sick of it, because maybe I played it non stop!  So Lance made up a lovely Christmas CD with about 80 songs on it?  Seriously!  Well, I have to skip through a lot of them because I simply am not in the mood for Jingle Bells or Santa Clause is Coming to Town.  Meanwhile, as I am skipping the songs after I figure out which one it is Hilary is screaming from the back "that's my favorite song!!"  So then I am forced to listen to it.  Needless to say, today my CD went back in!:)
Another problem is this weather.  We are having lows in the 0's, and highs in the teens.  Then today the pea soup fog set in and it is supposed to be here for at least the next five days.  Oh, I don't think I am going to survive that.
On Tuesday Heidi and Holden had orthodontist appointments.  I told them that we could go to lunch afterwards.  While we were in the office, Halea sent me a sad text.  I could tell she was a little stressed so I asked her if she wanted to grab Hayden and meet us for lunch.  Mother of the year!!  So we all played hooky for the day.  It was fun, don't tell Lance.   He doesn't always (or never) approve of my antics.

That night I had a pretty emotional visit with a family that is preparing for the birth of their little baby that won't live much after birth.  I was pretty exhausted by the time I got home that night.
Wednesday I had to bring Holden BACK to the orthodontist because he keeps having trouble with one of his wires. Luckily I think that they fixed it.  Heidi came home sick that day.  She had a really bad headache, so she came home and tried to sleep off her headache.  For the next 5 hours I sat at the computer working on a project for the family that I wanted to do for Christmas.  It involved me looking at pictures of Tates for hours.  Which is great, but oh how it made me miss her.  I just can't believe that she is gone.  Again, I was emotionally exhausted at the end of the day.
Thursday was the Common Bonds Bereavement Group Christmas dinner that we do at our house.  I spent most of the day baking, shopping and preparing some things at the house.  It wasn't stressful, just busy.  I had told everyone that I wasn't going to do the garland to decorate our stairs.  I just didn't have the energy to put it up and I didn't want to take it down and put it away, etc.  Well, everyone was really disappointed.  Apparently that is the only thing that makes our house Christmasy.  Everything was under control, so I decided to put the garland up to surprise the family.  When the basement got framed this summer, we moved all of our storage around and so I wasn't really sure where the garland was, but I was determined to find it.  I started moving the very large bins around and looking inside and then re stacking them. I picked up one of the bins and it was so heavy and full of playmobil toys that the hoarder in the family, who shall remain nameless (Lance) can't part with.  I sort of lost my grip on it.  It came tumbling down right on top of me, and fell into Lance's drum set.  Luckily there was no damage to neither me or the drums.  Fortunately the next bin I looked in was the garland or the surprise might have been off.  I worked hard to get it all up on the stairs and plugged it in.  You guessed it, half of the lights were out!  I decided to see if Lance would fix those when he got home.  I was pretty proud of my surprise, but felt a little deflated when the response from the family was pretty mild.  Do they not realize that I nearly died doing it?! Life of a mother.  Good thing that I don't need the praises of others.
Halea told Hayden that she would pay him 5 dollars if he would brush the snow off of her car and put the car cover on so she could protect it for the winter.  Her car is a 1958 Chevy Biscayne.  He went out with the keys in hand to get into the trunk where her car cover was located.   He came back in with a sheepish look on his face.  Then he told me that the key had broken off in the trunk keyhole.  Never a dull moment.  Not sure how we are going to fix that.  However it is, it sounds expensive.  Oh boy.
The party that night went fine.  I always enjoy visiting with everyone.  This time last year, Lance spent most of the party upstairs watching Hilary and Tatum.  Sigh.  Too many reminders during this first year.  It's too easy to flash back.
On a happier note for that day:  Halea came home that night at about 10:00 from a Future Business Leaders of America (FBLA) competition and she had competed in two categories and placed 1st in both!  She was laughing because she hadn't really even studied, and there were a ton of schools from their region that were competing.  That just taught her a great lesson:  No work pays off:)  I guess she is just smart and does well under pressure.  Lucky

This morning I had a small presentation that I was making to a nursing class.  Their teacher was one of our patients early this year and she wanted her students to hear about bereavement.  She was having them over for breakfast and a few guest speakers, including myself.  Well, nothing like a little bereavement talk to liven up a party!!  Here comes the shock and awe.  I told them about my job at the hospital and then I started to tell them why I do what I do.  They seemed to do alright while I told my story about Trevin, then I started to tell about our journey to get Hilary and Tatum here, and then Tatum's story.  The look of horror on their faces was so sad.  I think that I don't realize how sad our story is until I see how uncomfortable it makes other people.  I guess I am just living it, so I am a little numb to the details.  I also know that there are more horrible life stories out there, so I guess it's all in your perspective.   I felt bad for them.  Hope I didn't ruin their Christmas break.  I am sure none of them will remember any of it, they're young.
Tonight there was a knock on our door.   It was a couple that I met at the hospital 10 years ago when their baby died of "SIDS".  They thought the party was tonight!  So hilarious.  I was so glad that Lance and I stayed home tonight because it was really fun to visit with them.   That is one of the many lessons that I have learned, to go with the flow and enjoy the things that come.   Grateful for good friends that understand.
I am grateful that the weekend is here.  I was asked to help out in the nursery at church this coming Sunday.  Hilary will be in there so that will be fun, but it is also the same nursery that Tates should be in.   I am a little apprehensive about it, but I guess I can't avoid all of these things forever.

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