Relax. Not moving day for all of us, just Heidi. No we didn't kick her out. She is certainly not the one we would start with there, if you know what I mean? For several months Heidi has wanted to move from sharing a room with Holden to sharing a room with our little Hilary. Of course, I have been a little resistant, because that is MORE change in my life. Also, I knew that it would be very hard. It would mean taking the crib down, unbunking the beds, etc. The reason that Heidi moved into Holden's room was because Tatum was coming and she was going to be Hilary's new roommate. That never really happened in reality. Tatum probably slept in the crib two times, if that. I was surprised how hard it still was to take down that crib. It was like the end of the dream. There will be no more babies. No more Tatum. Each time I have to face that reality square, it hurts a little.
Saturday we did it, despite the heartache. We tore in to the task head on, and we added cleaning out the playroom while we were at it. That was on my Christmas wish list, so check and check. It always feels good to move things around and clean underneath the areas that haven't seen daylight in awhile. We were able to haul off several bags of garbage and three huge bags to the thrift store (DI for you LDS folk). That too was a little hard because two of the bags were filled with clothes from Hilary that I was saving for Tater bug. I sifted through the two bins of clothes that I had. I kept a few things, gave one bag to DI and one bag to a neighbor. Another little tug at my heart, but we made it through with just a few tears. It literally took all day. Heidi and Holden and our little neighbor cleaned the entire play room, which looked like a bomb had gone off in it. I can't believe that I didn't get a before and after picture! Meanwhile I tore apart the room, moved clothes and cleaned. It feels so good to have that done.
The real miracle with this, is that Hilary is thrilled to have a roommate. She is so afraid of the dark and has never wanted to be alone in her room. Now that Heidi is in with her, she will just go to bed. Lance doesn't need to lay there with her for 2 hours! I think we will both miss that a little. It really is a Christmas miracle.
On Thursday I kidnapped my friend to take her on a little day of pampering. Her sweet son Keenan would have turned 12 on December 19th. Which means that I met her 12 years ago on December 19th. I remember that day like it was yesterday. If you know me, you know what a miracle that is. I have THE worst memory. I remember so vividly how gentle and loving she was with her sweet son. I remember her two young boys coming in, and how adorable they were. I knew that I felt some sort of spiritual connection with her almost immediately. There are just people sometimes that you just naturally "click" with. She was one of those people. It was about a year later that I approached her about working at the hospital with me. She should have run fast, but for some reason she didn't. She has been a real rock in my life ever since. She is my therapy when I need to talk hospital talk, she has loved my children like they were her own, especially Hilary and Tates. We have laughed and cried together, mostly laughed. She was my "funeral planner" for Tatum. (she hates that title, but I keep telling her she has a real talent for it!) Anyway, you get the picture. So we went and had a fun day together, did some fun things for ourselves, then a few little services for others in honor of sweet Keenan, whom without we would have never met. It was a really fun day for me to get to do something for a friend that has really been so good to me.
We also had piano recitals this week. Halea's was last Saturday and Heidi and Holden's were on Tuesday. They all did so good. I am so proud of them. Several years ago, before Hilary, I took piano lessons. I had the bright idea one time to play at the recital, so I could get the full experience that the kids get. Dumb!! I totally messed up and it was the scariest thing. I totally felt more empathy for my kids after that. So when I see them get up there and rock it, I am especially proud. I only got video of Halea, no still pictures. Oops.
Today was a pretty good day. We practiced our choir piece in the morning, which was nice. It was a really sweet song. I got a little emotional singing it, because I just think of sweet humble Mary holding her sweet baby and being terrified at what his life was going to be like. I am sure that she just tried to enjoy every moment with him because she had an incling as to what was coming.
Then I went home to finish getting everyone ready. Halea told me that the night before she was at a little party where there were some new people that she hadn't met before. Of course the question came up "how many siblings do you have?". She felt bad because she sort of fumbled through it. I tried to reassure her that I still struggle with that question. I am sure I encountered the same thing after my sister died, I just don't remember it. I felt bad for her.
As I was sitting at church today I was pondering about the beauty of music in my life. I truly believe that music has been one of my greatest life lines this past year. Especially the last 7 months. I have tried to surround myself with beautiful music that invites the spirit, and I really think that it has changed my life and who I am becoming. That sounds strong, but I believe it. I can feel the spirit so strong when I listen to certain music and certain artists. I am so grateful for it. I loved the songs we were able to sing today. A young man, about 18 years old, played a piano solo in church today. He wrote the arrangement himself. It was stirring. I was sitting right by the piano and so I could see the beauty of his hands making that beautiful music. It is beyond my comprehension. It was really touching. His mother died about a year ago and left 10 kids. I am sure that music has carried him through some really dark days, also. So grateful to have music, and people that share their talents.