Angels are Near....

We just wanted to take a minute to update everyone.  We feel the end is very close.  We have felt such peace in our home and around her.  We know that her angels are near and that her departure to the other side is very near.  We had the kids all come down last night and give her kisses and spend time with her.  We had a sleepover and they all spent the night on "her" couch last night so that they would be close if she passed.  Much to our surprise she did not pass in the night.  She is giving us all of the love she can before she goes.  Watching her do this hard thing is very difficult and inspiring and comforting.  I know that our Heavenly Father designed our bodies for these circumstances.  She seems very peaceful despite the horrific signs that her body is giving.   We are so fortunate to have her home with us and we have loved every second that we have had to snuggle her and stroke her sweet head.  We love this little angel in our midst.  How lucky are we?

Yesterday was a pretty great day.  It was a short day at school for the kids so they were able to go do some fun things after they got out.  Lance and I were able to spend quite a bit of time with Tatum and Hilary.  I really just sat on the couch and held her for most of the day.  We had a few visitors but for the most part it was quiet.  I did get the chance to fire hospice:)  It just didn't feel right.  I felt so uncomfortable adding anyone new to Tatum's care.
I took several pictures yesterday because for some reason her coloring looked so much better to us.  What a blessing.  So we took some video and some pictures.  Lance helped me get her ready in the morning and she looked beautiful in her butterfly shirt.  These past few weeks I have had this overwhelming feeling that I have been taking care of a sweet little older person, not a baby.  Her hair even appeared to change color.  Her enormous spirit has emerged from her little body.  What an honor to be her mother.  I don't know what I will do when I can't take care of her anymore.  To some the day to day care of her might have seemed a burden or overwhelming, but I have truly counted it as one of my biggest blessings in this life to be the one to care for her.   Last night as I was getting all of her medicines ready, I was so sad that it could be one of the last times.  I hope that she has felt that respect and love.

She was awake quite a bit yesterday, and when I would look at her she would look right back at me, like she was listening and soaking it all in.  I was having Hilary help me yesterday to sponge Tatum's mouth and put on her lips (chapstick).  Hilary always liked to help me with that.  I told her that Tatum was going to live with Heavenly Father soon and she said "But I need her".   Ohhh.  I know.  I need her too.  This whole night I just keep thinking, how do I turn this back.  Please don't let this happen.  Then I look at her trapped in this broken down little body and I have to be OK to let her go.

We have been so abundantly blessed with good friends and neighbors and family and co workers that have constantly checked on us, served us, loved us.  We have seen the greatness in all of you.  We can never express our thanks.  It has meant so much to our family.  We are especially grateful that you have allowed Tatum to complete her mission here on earth by feeling her goodness and sharing her message that there is a plan for all of us, and that Heavenly Father loves each one of us and that our Savior walks beside us daily to help us to hopefully return to our eternal home when the time comes.  What an example and a true angel we have been in the presence of.  We love you Tatum Hope Walker.