Tatum Update: Well, I am trying to remain hopeful, (it is Tatum's middle name) but on Saturday night Tatum woke up at 2:30 am and was super gurgly and having trouble keeping her oxygen levels up! Grrrr. I was so sad and frustrated. I was so encouraged by the day before that I was just sure that maybe we had found a solution. Now, maybe not. I couldn't bring myself to write yesterday because I was severely sleep deprived because she stayed up from 2:30 am until about 10:30 am after we had already gone to church. I sat out in the hall with her and got her to finally rest. She was pretty gurgly almost the entire time. I was feeling pretty sorry for myself, but I was really glad that we went to Stake Conference. It was great, as usual, lots about the family and building a stronger home and missionary work. We went to the adult session on Saturday because we love that one because we can actually listen because there are no children!! Sorry kids, but you are often a distraction. The Sunday session is sometimes a little harder, but this one was great. I just figured out why as I was typing. Because I sat out in the hall with Tatum! Baha. It just came together for me. Well, I needed it so I won't feel guilty for putting Lance in charge of the others:) While I was sitting out there one of Halea's friends little sister walked by us. She did a double take and then she came back and approached us. (She hasn't ever really met us, but I knew who she was) She asked me if I was Halea Walker's mom. I smiled and said Yes. Then she said is this Tatum? I said yes. Then she asked how she was doing. What a cutie. She is only about 12 years old! She has had her own challenges in life with her health and so I could see in her eyes that she got it. Tatum is like a little ambassador. I love that people are following her story so that more people can benefit from her life.
Things were well until a lady came out and sat on a chair kind of close to where I was sitting with Tates. She started with some small talk and then started asking how old Tatum was, and if she had a feeding tube. I really wasn't in the mood to share because I just felt emotionally and physically drained. She proceeded to tell me the story of her daughter who is now 9 that needed a feeding tube when she was little because she wasn't growing, etc. I wanted to tell her that my daughter would never see 9 years, but I held back and kept the conversation light and on the surface because I knew that she was well intended in sharing her story. I am sure she was just trying to make me feel better. I wish that I had taken the opportunity to share more of Tatum with her, but I just couldn't at that time. I will do better next time.
I love miracle stories because I know that they happen and I fully understand that our story is a miracle in a different way. I only wish that we could keep Tatum a little longer than I think that we will. I wish that we had years with her, but I just don't think that will happen. I feel her little body just wearing out. She is getting so tired so fast. I wish that I could give her some of my energy. Such an irony that she has a mother that is hard to turn off. Why can't I just share some of my energy! Life.
Tatum has several new outfits, again! Thought I would share some of those.
So, we are trying to be hopeful about the Botox, but this might just be how Tatum is. This just might be her forever issue, secretions! I told Trevin that he couldn't die from a bowel obstruction, and he did. Now Tatum will not breathe like I want her to. How come none of my kids will ever listen to me!? Right down to the angel babies. I understand the teenagers giving me grief, they have no brain! I was just hopeful that I would have a little more pull with these little ones. (I hope you can sense the sarcasm) I am just going to try to go with the flow, and sleep when I can, and deal with secretions if that is what we need to do. The goal is to just keep Tater bug comfortable.