Saturday, June 8, 2013

Pretty Pink Toes...

Well, I was going to be good and try and go to sleep and not do a post, but I can't sleep (surprise) so I decided I might as well be journaling, right?
Today was a pretty lovely day.  A good friend came over and painted all of us girls toe nails.  Even Hilary was so good and cooperated and sat still.  So cute!

 Getting the pink polish...
Hilary insisted i sit with her, which was fine.  Good to feel  needed from miss independant..
 Hilary even put her toes under the curing lights.  It was quite adorable.
The finished product.  Perfectly pink and sparkly in honor of our Tater bug.

The rest of the day was just finishing up a few things here and there.  We finished folding the programs that turned out so beautiful and fitting for a princess.  My good friend that was putting our slide show together brought that over.  Good thing that we had finished most everything before we sat down and watched.  We were all in a big puddle by the end.  It was so hard to see how perfect and happy she was before she got sick and how awful that disease was to her body.  When you are in the trenches every day you don't see how big the change is sometimes.  I just loved her no matter what, so it was hard to remember what her body used to be able to do.  Poor girl.
In the afternoon a few friends came to the church with me and we set up all of the pictures and some of Tatum's personal things and the video.  When we got to the church the mortuary was there and they had Tatum in her casket.  She looked absolutely beautiful.  I was so happy.  She looks so peaceful and restful.  She doesn't have to fight her body anymore.  There is relief in that.
Around 5;30 Lance came with the kids so that they could have a few minutes to see her before everyone started coming.  The kids were so brave and fearless.  They walked right up and saw her and it just seemed so natural to them because she looked so beautiful and because they understand that this is now just her body and that her spirit has progressed.  When I lifted Hilary up to see her, she laughed and said Tatum is sleeping.  It was really sweet.
The night was nice.  There were lots of family and friends and nurses from the hospital and families that I had worked with at the hospital and co workers from Lances work, neighbors.  It was overwhelming and sweet. Tatum has touched a lot of hearts.  What a blessing to be her mom and her family.
I will forever miss having Tatum here with us.  I don't know how you ever get over missing the feeling of having an angel in your home and the thick spirit that comes with that blessing.  My hope is that we will all take the challenge to never forget the lessons that she has taught us and live a life that will make her proud and worthy to live with her again.
I can't believe that tomorrow is the last day that I will get to see her.  I know we will be OK, I just don't know how.  My heart feels so broken tonight.


  1. There are so many things I wish for you and hope for you but I know they are not in Heavenly Father's Plan. Mostly, I hope for peace for you and Lance and the kiddos. I pray every day- several times a day- that peace and comfort will be yours and that you are able to calm the storms in your mind and that your heart will be able to heal with time. We love you guys so much and are so thankful we have been able to be here. I am so sorry you are having to endure this pain again. Wish there was a way to take it away from you. Love you!

  2. Today was beautiful Heather. Tatum looked just beyond wonderful (honestly like a little sleeping angel), and everything was so perfect, the pictures, the program, the video, everything. We are here for you, as this begins what I feel like is the difficult part of the journey: watching life go on while you long to be with the little ones you love and miss so dearly, wanting to tell the world to stop, that you are hurting and how can life continue on as it was before? Praying for your beautiful family. (((Hugs)))