Yesterday (Monday) I decided that I was going to have a good day and do good things and be the person that I knew I can and want to be. I want to make the best out of what has happened. I want Tatum's legacy in the life of our family to be great and amazing. I want us to all be changed in a good way. I want our family to be happier and stronger because we have had her as part of it. Why did I decide this on a Monday you might ask. Good question!
We all did our regular morning routine, sort of. Lance rode his bike to work, Halea went to work teaching swim lessons, Hayden went to tennis, I went on a jog walk with my friend. Hilary woke up early saying that she was scared in her bed, so she got to come on our walk with us. Her and Tates used to come every Tuesday and Thursday until Tater bug got sick. When I told Hilary that we were going to go on a walk in the stroller with our neighbor she giggled and said "this is going to be fun!" Doesn't take much to make her happy sometimes. As soon as she got in the stroller she was out.
When we got back we hurried and got ready for the day and took Heidi and Holden to the orthodontist. We have not been back since Tatum died and so I was trying to gear up. It is hard to see people that we haven't seen since she died because the sadness is still so heavy. They are all so sweet I knew that it would be emotional. It was really good to see them, they really are like friends. Several of the ladies came and gave me a hug, it was so nice. Once again, the kindness of people has been so overwhelming to me. We just appreciate that they care at all.
While we were sitting at the orthodontist I decided to try and really out do myself and see if some of Heidi and Holden's friends from school could play once we got home. They live in the area of our ortho. so it would be convenient for us to pick them up after our few errands. We were on for a day of playing with friends.
After we left the ortho I had a cd of pictures that I needed to stop off to one of our patients from the hospital that lost her baby just a few weeks ago. I thought I was going to be quick but I ended up sitting down and talking with her for about 15 minutes. It was so nice to talk to her. Even though I think she views things a little differently than I do I tried to focus on the similarities. The kids were super patient and I was grateful because both she and I needed to talk to each other.
Afterwards we went and got kids and went home. We barbecued some hot dogs quick and had a little lunch. It was a little crazy because everyone had at least a friend or several. The volume of the house was high, but it felt good to see the kids all just having fun.
I had decided earlier that I was going to ride my bike to Lance's work and meet him so I could ride home with him. That is a long hot ride by yourself, especially on a 20 year old mountain bike! I had been thinking about our relationship and friendship. For the past 4 years it has been a little neglected with Hilary and Tatum. Either I have been pregnant, nursing, having a little baby and then a dieing baby. We haven't had a lot of time to foster our relationship. Of all the things that Tatum would want me to protect, I think top of the list would be our eternal marriage and relationship. So, I made sure that everyone was set at home and hopped on my bike to start my journey. I brought my phone so I could listen to my "Tatum" songs all the way down. It was pretty hot out, but it felt really good to be out doing something that I used to really love. I have probably only ridden my bike 2 or 3 times since Hilary was born. Just too busy and I could never justify 2 hours on a bike away from the little girls, for sure not after Tatum got sick. I could never have done that. The trail makes biking so much safer and faster and you don't get lost or run over by cars, both of which have happened to me:)
Lance called me on the phone when I was about half way to his work. I was going to surprise him, but I decided to answer and tell him that I was coming so he didn't "surprise" me and get a ride home from someone because it was too hot or something. That would have been just my luck. I told him I was coming and that I would meet him at his building. Luckily he brought out the most deliciously cold water. My silly drink that I brought was like hot lava. We got on our way. It was really fun to just be out doing something that we both enjoy, together. When we get to just hang out it reminds me why I love him. He is really a fun person. When we came around one of the bends on the trail we could see the Temple in the distance and the Lake and just a great view of the valley so I had him pull of and stop so we could take a few pictures. This is a huge change in me. Sometimes I get a little competitive and I forget to stop and smell the roses. (Thanks Tatum and Hilary for reminding me that is more important!)
By the time we got home we were hot and tired and my toes were numb. My endurance for cycling is not what it used to be. I am going to have to work on that.
We quickly got dinner and then we went on our Family Home Evening adventure to the hospital. I had some things that I needed to mail and some pictures to deliver. I told the kids that if they would help me then we could go and get the best shake in Utah. After that last part they were in.
When we got to the hospital we ordered our shakes and I ran upstairs to mail my work flyer. I visited with a few of my favorite nurses. They are all always so sweet to ask about how we are doing and they just really care. I feel so at home there. I just wish that I could be there with Tatum. Just fond memories there with her. Sometimes I would need to bring Tatum to the hospital with me and so they would all sit and dote on her and watch her while I was in with a patient. Good friends.
When I went downstairs to see how the shake eating was going, I was shocked to see that there was any left. The kids were not nearly as impressed with the shakes as they should have been.
Overall it was a great day. I only got a little teary a few times. No sobbing. I consider that a success.
Today (Tuesday) was pretty great too. I was able to get a lot of little things done that I needed to do, like bills and laundry. Yuk! I also got to visit with a sweet friend that stopped by and later I got to play battleship with Holden. Aww you sunk my battleship:) Then I got to see the Young Women for our camp closing activity that was so fun. Lance did the DVD and it turned out so good. He has such a funny sense of humor that really comes out with his selection of music. So funny. Then I got to visit with a few friends from the neighborhood and show them our new painting masterpiece. We have all decided that our neighbor probably needs to stop being talented at everything and really he probably needs to paint for a living. We would all be his first customers!
Grateful to be able to have spent time with people for the past few days. That is something that I think in our busy lives is the first thing that gets weeded out. We often times feel like we don't have time to "waste" visiting. When, really that is what "life" is. Our lives are so much richer when we share it with others. So grateful to be taken care of during these tender times. Our friends have been led by the spirit and have been true disciples of Christ.