Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Tatum Lesson: Be Grateful..

Yesterday morning I came home from exercising in this beautiful place I have to live and I started walking around our backyard and picking weeds and admiring some of the beauties in our landscape and cringing at others.  I grow weeds REALLY good.   I was in awe of the beauty of the plants and the trees and thinking about the miracle of it all.  I took a minute to stand and admire and to be grateful for the beautiful blooming rose bushes and I gave them some extra water (don't tell anyone, we are on water restrictions!).  They just made me smile.
This purple rose is called "Angel Face" and I am in love with how full and vibrant and strong it is.  But the blooms are small, like our sweet Tatum.  They just make me happy inside.
These two rose bushes are called "Pink Promise".  I love the name and obviously the color.  I love that the background is a purer white and the outer edge is pink.  They make me feel hope.

I went down to our garden and I was thrilled to see some tomatoes and peppers and raspberries and even a little squash.  Our fruit trees are all starting to get their fruit.  It is a beautiful exciting time in the growing season.

Then I walked around to the front yard and looked at my flowers there.  I planted those flowers and the garden on the day that we brought Tatum to the hospital for the last time.  I am having a love hate relationship with them.  I was so anxious to put flowers in, because I knew they would make me happy every time I drove into our driveway, and they do.  Until I remember that I spent two hours out there planting them when I should have been sitting with Tatum.  I am trying to look at them as her gift to me because she knew they would make me happy.  I am grateful for them and their pretty bright pink that make me think of my sweet Tater bug every time I see them.

The rest of my day was a little sketchy with the teenagers.  Everyone seemed to be grumpy yesterday.  Maybe because we feel like we live on the surface of the sun right now?  I decided that I probably needed to go ride my bike down to Lance's work and ride home with him so we could all have a little break from one another.  As I started my bike I couldn't help but cry.  Thank goodness we professional bikers wear sunglasses.  (can you sense the sarcasm?)  My emotions are so crazy right now.  I thought about how grateful I was for my body, that I can do the things I love.  Poor Tatum never got to experience so many of those things.  Tates has also made me remember how very grateful I am for each of my kids.  They are each a true miracle.  Tatum has secured that in my heart forever.  Had she come at any other time to our family, some of these kids would not had a chance to be in our family.  I know that each of them are here at this time, in our family for a reason.  Some of them I think came to drive me crazy, but that is OK:) I promise  to always be grateful.

 Here we are at our Family Night activity at Scheels...
Yummo, ice scream..
What do the Walker's buy at a sporting goods store?  That's right a flower backpack:)

I have started thinking about "Thank You's" for people.  The task is very daunting to me.  Every time I think about it I am overwhelmed with emotion at what has been done for us.  So many acts of kindness.  It is truly a gift from Heavenly Father.  We are all so grateful.

I am grateful for a brilliant husband who purchased several of the hymns that we were listening to on Pandora as we were with Tatum those last weeks.  I have listened to them over and over and they make my heart feel close to her.  So grateful for good music.

As I have begun working again I have been even more grateful for the beautiful year that I had to spend with Tatum.  I am grateful that I knew for those last months that she would not be here much longer.  I am grateful  for all of that special time with this amazing daughter.  This is not everyone's good fortune.

I am grateful for prayer.  I know that I am heard. I know that my Heavenly Father and my Savior hear me and feel what I am feeling.  I know they care.  I know that they have used people around me to answer those pleas.  I know that.  There is no other explanation.

I am grateful for eternal families and the fact that we will be reunited with Tatum and Trevin.

My list could continue for a long time.  I think you get the idea.

Tatum lesson #1:  Be grateful.  She has taught me that in a million different ways.  She was always so gracious even in the worst of times.  I could feel that she was grateful to be here with us, in her crazy little body.  Always a joy.  I will be forever grateful for her example.  

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