The rest of the morning was alright until the phone rang. I didn't recognize the phone number. When I answered the person on the other end started introducing herself (it was our case manager from our health insurance company). She then proceeded to ask how Tatum was doing and asked if there was anything that we needed help with, blah blah blah. I could hardly get a word in edge wise, so when she finally finished I told here that things were not the best and that Tatum had died on May 31st. OOPS! She was silent for a minute and then very apologetic. I felt sorry for her, but maybe she will check more often on her clients that are terminally ill! I had not heard from her for weeks before Tatum had died, so that has been quite awhile. I was nice about it and told her a few concerns that we have been trying to figure out with billing, etc. Fun things to keep working on after your baby has died.
After that whole fiasco I went to lunch with a few of my friends. I asked them if they would care if we went to Provo so that i could check to see if the home health office sold the chap stick that we used for Tatum. We got it from the hospital and it smells real citrusy and it just reminds me of kissing her lips. I think that I need two cases of it! When I got to the home health store, they said that they did not carry it and that I should try to contact the company that made it directly. There was a lady in line that overheard my conversation and immediately whipped out her business card because she makes "natural" products and lip balm was one of them. I told her that I needed this particular kind for sentimental reasons and left it at that. I don't think I really care if my lip balm is all natural! But thanks.
We decided to go to Brick Oven, yummo. We had only been seated in our booth for a few minutes when we had a little mishap and an entire glass of ice cold water was spilled on one of my friends. The manager ran over and started cleaning up the mess. We were all laughing hysterically. The manager got a kick out of us and told us that he knew we were going to be trouble. We visited and laughed and ate for the next hour or so, just being our silly selves. It felt good to laugh and try to be normal. Several of the workers came up and told us that we had brightened their day by coming in. They said that they hoped we would come back every day and that we were hilarious and they wished all of their customers were more like us. We have always found ourselves quite funny when we get together, but our humor is usually lost on others. It was hysterical to hear these perfect strangers confirm it:) We were busting a gut at the irony. All three of us have had some pretty hard things in our lives and could probably have found it easy to be pretty sad, bitter and grumpy. If they only knew what had transpired in the last year for all of us they might have been more astonished at our behavior! It felt good to laugh.
We rolled ourselves out of there and headed home. Then one of my friends and I decided to take our kids school clothes shopping. At one of the stores we saw a lady that used to be our neighbor when we all lived on the other side of Lehi. I was trying not to get in to a conversation with her because I knew she did not know what had happened with our family and in the middle of clothes shopping was not the time or place to reveal it! Luckily the conversation stayed really casual.
I had been racking my brain trying to come up with a thank you for the Pediatrics unit at Utah Valley Hospital. The other day I thought of maybe donating some of my favorite pajamas that Tatum wore. I got them at Walmart, so I looked on line, but I couldn't find any. So I thought I would try and see if there were any left in the stores. I was a little discouraged as we were looking because I wasn't seeing any and then we found two pair! Yay. The gowns that they have for the little babies in the hospital are way too big and not very comfortable, so hopefully this could be just a little something that would make a families stay a little brighter. While we were standing in line to buy the little jammies there was a group of three rather interesting people behind us. They were young and judging from their appearance and their language they live very hard lives. One was talking about when her new baby was going to deliver and the things that they were going to do with this baby. It made me want to scream! You can't help but be sad when you know that baby will have a hard life. All we ever wanted was to keep Tatum and take care of her and this person who seems a little unprepared to care for a beautiful baby will probably get to keep hers. I certainly can't be the judge of all of this, but right now it feels so hurtful and hard. Hard normally to see it, but especially now when my arms are so empty.
When we got home from our wild day there was a beautiful orchid on my doorstep!
There was a beautiful note enclosed that talked about the beauty of the orchid and how it reminded this friend of her little boy and of Tatum and her life. Without the stick the stem of the orchid cannot hold up the bloom. It needs that support. Much like we have to have the Savior and the Atonement to help us through our life. It was a beautifully written message. I am so blessed with great people who care. I am determined not to kill this beautiful plant, despite my black thumb!