All of my LDS friends are gasping and thinking Blasphemous! She stole the title of Elder Worthlin's talk. There just wasn't a better title for today, so I apologize. Maybe it will inspire us all to re read his beautiful conference talk from October 2008.
Today started off like any other fast Sunday. My niece had told me that a few months ago she fasted for the things that she was grateful for and she just focused on those things throughout her fast, so I thought I would give that a try. I wanted Heavenly Father to feel my grateful heart. I know that he knows the feelings of my heart, but I know that I don't always show it. So I thought if I could concentrate an entire day on that He could feel my love for Him and our Savior and the Holy Ghost and all that they have done for me during my entire extraordinary life, especially this past year. There are several families in our ward that are really struggling, so I did add a lot of extra prayers for them throughout the day too. The day was going well.
Young Women's was fantastic. We had a great lesson about Taking the name of our Savior upon us. It really made me think about how I respond and react to life. There are a lot of improvements I can make. I really want to make sure that everything that I do in my life is a good representation of what I know and believe to be true. Am I being a good example and the best that I can be? How am I handling the hard things that I am encountering, especially right now in the depths of sorrow. I don't ever want anyone to think that for one second I doubt the goodness of my Savior and my Heavenly Father.
When we got to Sacrament meeting Hayden was asked to help pass the Sacrament. As I was sitting there watching the young men prepare the Sacrament I was so grateful that they kept themselves worthy to perform that ordinance for us. And the young men that were passing too. Then I looked up as Hayden came walking towards us and I saw that he had his iPod sticking out of his shirt pocket. Tacky, and disrespectful. As he stood by our bench I motioned for him to take it out! Good heavens son. Anyway.
As I was contemplating how I was doing spiritually I decided that I wanted to step up a little. I can only be truly happy again if I choose to be. I know that I am still sad and it has not been long. Tatum wants me to be happy and carry on. One of the ladies who bore her testimony said that she didn't want to go back to the person she was before she had a certain experience in her life because that experience had changed her in such a positive way. That is exactly how I feel. Tatum has left such an impression in my heart that I want the rest of my life to reflect that. I want her to be proud of me and our family. So I felt pretty happy after Sacrament.
I had prepared a real dinner and so I was feeling pretty good about my domesticity, I was happy about life in general and then the teenagers started being teenagers. After dinner I was a little discouraged so I started reading some of my old blog entries. As I was reading I felt like I was reading something from my life from 10 years ago. It seems like forever ago. I read through her getting her g-tube and going to the zoo. I was overwhelmed again by how much I miss her and the sweetness that she brought into our home. I just don't know how to preserve that in a way that we can feel it and have it help our family. I want her influence to be lasting for our family. It has to be.
As I was reading in my room I saw that my niece that lives out of the country had sent me a message. She asked if she could help me and my girls make a quilt out of Tatum's clothes when she comes to the states next summer. I absolutely love the idea. I have actually seen a few done and they are sweet. I told her that I could probably part with a few of her things by then. What a sweet memory that could be. Right now all of her clothes are in her drawer upstairs. After the kids go back to school I was going to go through and organize them. I can hardly look at them right now.
This brings me to the title of the blog for tonight. A few days after Tatum died one of our neighbors brought over this beautiful picture of Tatum's sweet little feet. They had printed the picture in black and white and mounted it on a block. It is adorable and it sits in our entry way. With it they brought a block that says Sunday Will Come. Referring to the talk given by Elder Wirthlin. It is a beautiful talk about the Resurrection and hope after losing a loved one. I actually had the thought to read the talk, but I was distracted. Imagine.
Lance had told me earlier in the day that one of our neighbors had asked if we were going to be home this evening. He had told them that they could stop by. My mind started wondering what they could want. Their son is one of Hayden's good friends. I started thinking, what has Hayden done? Are they coming to sever their friendship with us once and for all? Well, they came over this evening and this is what they brought:
Most of you will recognize this as the tomb where the Savior was buried after the crucifixion, where He lay until he rose on the third day, Sunday.
When these neighbors brought this in to our home I was shocked and overwhelmed and as I looked closer to see who had painted this masterpiece, it was this neighbor. The hours and prayer that had gone into this is remarkable. I am still shocked as I write this. I told them that this could not have come on a better day. As he was telling us a little bit about the painting he handed me a copy of the talk, you guessed it, Sunday Will Come! How are people so inspired and such instruments in the Lord's hands? When I grow up I want to be just like them. We had a good laugh when I told them that I thought they were coming over to break up our sons friendship:) I know that my Savior loves me and cares about what I am feeling right now. I know that our Sunday will come and we will be reunited as a family once again. I know that with the help of others we will be OK. This will hang proudly in our home as a constant reminder of our Savior and of Tatum and their inspiring lives. Both of which have changed us forever. How grateful I am.