Thursday, July 4, 2013

One Holiday Down..

I don't ever remember July 4th being a super big deal growing up.  I am sure that we did the fireworks and probably a barbecue or something.  Since we have been married it has been a little bigger holiday.  Lance's sister and her family usually had something going on that day and it is one of their kids birthday.  For most of our married life we have usually done something with them.  Now that his sister died in October and her daughter moved out of state, we didn't really plan anything for the evening.  It feels weird not to have seen any family today.  Life has changed significantly in less than a year.

This morning the girls and I had flag duty for the neighborhood so we had to be up and out by 6:00AM.  We finished flags and went straight to the ward breakfast.  Always a great activity.  They have someone give a thought and then we have pancakes and eggs and sausage and hash browns and juice.  Start the holiday off right.  Our neighbor that gave the thought today did a great job.  He talked about just a small line out of the Declaration of Independence.  That every man has the right to life liberty and the pursuit of happiness.  The way it is written it sounds like it is every man for himself and that it could be a very self centered way to live.  And you see a little bit of that self centered attitude in the world today, however he gave several examples of how people have taken the true meaning to heart.  Really it is written to hopefully encourage us to take it upon us as our duty to ensure and help others to attain their pursuit of happiness.  It was a cool twist and different way of thinking about that great document and words that we are all familiar with.  We are so lucky to live in such a country that allows us the freedoms to choose, because that is how we learn and deepen our own character.  If you are forced to choose a certain way I don't think it can possibly have the same impact  on your inner soul.  Great way to start off the day that I was dreading a little bit.  So far so good.

We got home a little later from the breakfast  than I had hoped.  About the time we walked in is when I realized that I had forgotten to do the one thing that I was in charge of for my friends lunch.  There is a jello that I make that we call "Juliette jello" because their daughter Juliette actually liked it.  She was a toughy to get to eat anything and so it makes me feel pretty special that she would eat it.  Juliette was born with Trisome 18 and she lived until she was about 16 years old.  She died over 10 years ago I think. It has just always been my tradition since then to bring that jello to the 4th of July!  And I forgot to do it!  Are you feeling the pit in my stomach?  Good grief.  I quickly made it up, hoping that maybe it would have time to set.  Then I made up some guacomole and some cute chocolate dipped strawberries:
We ran by the cemetery to put out the little flags for Trevin and Tatum.  I looked everywhere for pin wheels, but I was unsuccessful darn it.  It feels weird to not have a marker for their grave so I wanted to make sure to put something out so they don't seem forgotten.
We went a little later tonight and added the daisies because I forgot to take them on our way out!  No brain.

We got to our friends house and then we walked the few houses down to the parade.  It is always fun to go because we usually run into people that we know.  I was hoping not to run into to many today because I don't know who knows about Tatum and who doesn't.  Luckily I really only ran into one old friend and he was aware and he and his wife also lost a daughter not too long after Trevin died.  So they know how it is.
After the parade we had a yummy lunch and just visited.
Hilary enjoying a yummy sugar cookie.  Thanks Ashley!

Looking a little wilted from the heat and post  parade let down.
PS, the jello never set!  It is currently sitting in my friends refrigerator.  Hopefully it will set by tomorrow and they can have it with their leftovers.  Seriously cursed!  I can't remember anything these days.

Before we went home Lance wanted to go to the cemetery to see what Trevin's plot looked like since we moved him.  Don't be jealous of our exciting and glamorous life!  It was a little strange to see just a blank space where he used to be.  It would have been really hard if I didn't feel so peaceful about having them both  so close to us now.  I love having them in Lehi.  Just a little strange to not have him their in Provo anymore.

This spot really is prime.  I am not sure how we got so lucky.  It is the only shady spot in that entire section.

On the way home I could not stay awake.  I haven't slept very good the past few nights and so I was really sleepy.  When we pulled in to the garage, I realized I wasn't the only sleepy head.  Cute.  Teenagers and three year olds are very similar in a lot of ways:)
 We all dragged ourselves into the house and took a really long nap.  It was great, except you know when you take a long nap in the middle of the day after a big meal, that horrible feeling that you get?  Like you can't get going again.  That set in hard, coupled with my already lack of desire to do anything.  Not good.

After a few hours I tried to muster up some energy.  I knew that I had two things that I had to do, collect the flags from the neighborhood and rustle up some dinner for the fam.  I had about an hour or so before that needed to happen so I decided to try and look at my road bikes.  Both had a few issues that have been preventing me from riding them and I think that I really need to be able to go on rides.  I think it would be good for me mentally.  I was able to get them both out and tune them up a little and fix the few problems that I have on mine at least temporarily until I figure out a permanent fix.   My old road bike I decided that I wanted to fix up for Lance to ride to work.  He has been riding his 20 year old mountain bike with no gears and huge tires.  I think that he will cut off a lot of commute time if he rides the road bike.  I felt pretty good to get those things figured out.

I came up with a plan for a simple dinner and then we went and gathered all of the flags.  We put the daisies out at the cemetery and then we went and got shaved ice.
On our way home Holden really wanted to stop at Walgreens and get poppers and sparklers.  How could we resist.  We came home and watched a lot of fireworks from our back yard and the kids ran around and did sparklers and poppers.

While we were out in our yard one of our neighbors came by to talk to us.  His wife has been dying from cancer for almost two years I think.  They have also lost two children.  So he was asking how we were doing and we just talked for a few minutes.  It is nice to talk to people who have been through similar things. They just get it.  My heart just breaks for him and his family.  They have such amazing kids and I am just sad that they have to go through this.  Life is just hard sometimes.  He said that you feel like you are in just a funk after someone dies and everyone else goes back to their normal life.  Funk is a good word to describe this feeling and time.  We are certainly no ourselves.  We have to just find our new normal.  Some things just change in your heart permanently.  I guess the true test is if it is a good change or a bad one.  I refuse to let anger or bitterness take over.  I don't think that I really feel those emotions connected with Trevin or Tatum. I feel very blessed that that is not my nature.  I have seen the hand of God in my life way too much to ever feel that.  I also feel like that would be so devastating to Trevin and Tatum and their sweet memory.  I just wish that missing them didn't hurt so much.  There is just such a void where they were.  Time will help, I know that.  Grateful for the fun times that we were able to have as a family  today.  I am happy that our kids were OK to hang out with us today.  I enjoy each of them.  I am so proud of how they have handled themselves through all of this.  They are truly amazing people.  We are lucky.

First Holiday, Check.

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