4 Weeks

In some ways it seems impossible that it has been 4 weeks since our world was turned upside down, and in other ways I can't believe it has already been 28 days since we have seen our sweet little Tatum move an arm or leg or hold up her head or sit in her little Bumbo seat.  I can still see it in my mind so clearly.

  Tuesday's used to be a fun day.  We had our fun workout class at the church that I loved and I would bring the girls and everyone would comment on how adorable they were, of course:)  That class was the last "normal" thing that I was able to do with Tatum.  Now every Tuesday ticks off another week of her declining health.  Sorry to start on this sad note, but I had to acknowledge that this was weighing on me today because I woke up with a bad attitude knowing that this was another anniversary of that day.  Because I woke up with a bad attitude I tried to challenge myself to do some things that would make my life feel a little more "normal".  I decided that I would take the girls on a walk all by myself and then go to the orthodontist and drive carpool!  Well, that was a ridiculous expectation of myself.  By the time I got Hilary ready with shoes, potty, jacket, hency (that is her pet name for her blanket), then I started on Tatum.  Transfer the feeding machine to the backpack, change the diaper, get her in her car seat, switch the oxygen to the portable tank, get them both outside, get out the stroller, honestly it was a half hour!  I am not exaggerating.   By the time we got going we had about 15 minutes left for the walk before we went to the orthodontist.  We took a walk which was lovely.  The weather was great and it just felt nice to be outside.  Tatum tolerated her car seat well.  We got home in time to load into the car and run to get Hayden and Holden out of school to the orthodontist.  I was hoping that our friend that used to work at the orthodontist office had called ahead and told them what was going on.  I asked if she would, because I didn't want them to all be shocked when I came waltzing in with a baby who now had a feeding tube sticking out of her stomach and oxygen.  We are quite a sight.  As we were driving to the school I was talking to my niece on the phone and I looked in the rear view mirror to see that Hilary did not look well.  I asked her if she was OK (can you see where this is going) and she shook her head no.  I could tell she was going to throw up!  Our kids have chronic car sickness.  Luckily I had taken our big BYU cup that I always keep in the car out of the car about two days prior.  I pulled over and was frantically looking for something for her to throw up in.  I grabbed the bag that the prescription I had just picked up came in.  I hurdled the back seat to where Hills was sitting in time to put the bag up to her mouth.  It caught the first wave, but she totally blew through the bag on the next wave.  Luckily we had brought the hency:)  It got all over her shirt and the blanket.  We took off her shirt, got to the school and raced to the ortho appointment.  We were only about 5 minutes late.  I thought that was pretty impressive.  I went to the appointment with Holden while Hayden waited in the car with Tatum and now shirtless Hilary.  When I was leaving to go send Hayden in one of the sweet ladies from the orthodontist office asked how I was doing.  Then she mentioned she had been reading our blog.  I got a little teary, but I was relieved that they knew.  I just love them and they are always so sweet to us and the little girls so I was glad I wasn't going to have to explain everything, but that they could know what was going on.  I went out and brought the girls in.  I am sure that it was hard for them to see Tatum because she is a different baby.  I know that I need to go about our daily life though and let people see her and feel her sweet calm spirit.  They were awesome about it and I could feel their concern for our family.  Thanks to Smileperfect for being the best orthodontist office ever.  So we went and picked up the rest of the kids from school and headed home. When we got home I went around the car to get Tatum out of the car and I saw Hilary coming toward the door.  I opened the door (can you see where this is going?) and I opened it up and she came flying out straight on to the concrete on her head!  Are you kidding me?  I scooped her up and ran into the house.  She was crying, I was crying.  I just couldn't believe it.  I got her settled down and gave her a bath and I think that she just has a bump on her shoulder and a bump on her head.  Emergency room averted.  I was feeling a little down at this point.  A couple of good friends brought us a delicious dinner and another neighbor stopped to visit.  I started to feel a little better.  When Lance got home I was showing him what was for dinner and getting ready to take kids to piano when I spotted a little piece of brownie that was calling my name.  I picked it up and just as I was lifting it to my mouth Lance reached across to grab something and knocked it out of my hand on to the floor, followed by the dog snarfing it up!  We started laughing so hard we were crying.   Maybe we were just crying, no we were laughing.  You just have to at this point, right?  Sorry to bore you with that looooong story, but I just wanted to testify that life just keeps going on.  Some days I would like a pass card, like don't you know I have a terminally ill kid?  But that my friends is not how it works.   Tomorrow I will try to wake up with a better attitude!  and maybe not try to live like life is normal because guess what it just isn't right now.  Thanks for indulging me and reading the crazy happenings in the Walker home.