I think that I am going to separate my posts a little bit. I will do a little Tatum update, so that I don't forget to let you all know how she is doing health wise. I will put that at the front so for those of you who don't care to read my sometimes incredibly looong entries you aren't forced to:) We are all about agency in this family, unfortunately.
Tatum update: She had a lot of seizures last night and today, so we gave her a little extra meds tonight to see if we can get the poor girl some relief. She just started to settle down about 10:00 tonight. Let's hope for some sleep for both of us. She is still very smiley, she took a walk today and did really well. A good friend dropped off a new little bed for her that she did really well in. It is perfect! She broke out her spring wardrobe today since it reached 50 degrees. That is about the excitement for her day.
Compared to the past two days, today was quiet. We had a little more time to sit and visit with friends and with Tatum. I have been thinking a little about the future and the pre existence lately. I try not to think too much about the future because it scares me and makes my heart hurt a lot. I watch our kids look at Tatum and wonder what they must be feeling and thinking. We talk a little bit about what will happen, but it is just soo hard. This is really hard, but I also know that there are a lot harder trials out there. We have a neighbor who found a brain tumor around the same time that Tatum got sick. That is every mother's worse nightmare to think about possibly leaving her family. I can't imagine. We have several families in our ward that have lost their mom or dad and have left young children to deal with such big heavy emotions. At least we are both here to help our kids understand and answer questions and bear testimony to them. Life is just hard.
The other thought I have been having has been about the pre existence. I know that we decided to be a family together long before we came to earth. I am sure that when all was being explained to us and I heard that some spirits would only have to come and receive a body and then automatically receive the highest degree of glory when they died, I said sign me up, in fact I will take two of those in our family. Then I'm sure I went and told Lance that I had just ensured ourselves that two of our kids would make it straight to the celestial kingdom. I can hear him shaking his head at my impulsiveness and saying "if it sounds too good to be true it probably is, so maybe we should research that a little before we sign up." This is just how our lives are. I impulse and he pays the price:) I say this jokingly but it really may have gone down that way, right? I do know that Tatum waited and waited for her turn to come and have the little time with us that she gets. She is so pleasant and patient about everything. She will forever be an example to all of us. We love the time that we have been given with her. I can't say that enough. Every smile, giggle, raspberry, every smell, hand hold is forever etched in our hearts. Stay tuned for tomorrow, we may go on a little trip depending on how she feels!