Friday, March 29, 2013

Love of Home

Tatum Update:  Tatum likes to be home, I do believe.  Whenever we put her in her car seat, she starts crying and bubbling, which means secretions.  She is just not happy to go anywhere.  Does she not know her mother?  I am the biggest goer.  She is so silly.  We are going to take it easy the next few days, so we can build up her energy for three hours of church.  She has had several pretty bad "episodes" with her breathing, so I really don't feel comfortable leaving her.  She is teaching me some very valuable lessons!  What is really important: do we really have to go anywhere today, how fast can we be, can it be done at midnight after she is asleep?  Questions I ask myself now before I do almost anything.  My life is extremely different than it was 6 weeks ago.   I thought it was slow before, waiting for Hilary to do EVERYTHING by herself and then trying to bring little Tate's along too. Those were slow times, now it is like we are also walking in quick sand!  There are still so many great things about our crazy life, I can't complain.  The fact that we have been able to keep Tatum at home and out of the hospital is such a blessing.  I don't know what we would do if we had to be in and out of the hospital like we were with Trevin.  Our living room does look like a hospital room, but that is a trade off I am willing to make to keep her home.

My mom was in town for a few days so we had a mock birthday party for Hilary (since her birthday is in a week) and took the kids swimming at her hotel last night.  The kids had a great time, Tatum did not have a great time and instead went into a total tailspin.  Apparently she did not enjoy the swimming expedition.  She really had a rough evening.  I get really nervous when she does this because she gets so stressed and tired from it.  As soon as she gets her jammies and her night time meds, she seems to calm down and go to sleep.  I guess that's true for all of us, right?  I think I need to get some better night time meds:)

Last night after Tatum had such a rough time I prayed so hard to know how to care for her better so that she can have the energy she needs to feel good.  I want her time with us to be as happy as it can be.  I really was emotionally exhausted going to bed last night.  This morning I really felt like she needed to just be at home and rest.  Tatum has a love of  home.  She was pretty happy all day.  She was able to get a good afternoon nap.  This evening was so much smoother than the past few.  She did so much better.  What an answer to a mothers prayer.  I know Heavenly Father is listening.   I also know that He can't give us everything we want.  I also know that we need to be specific in our questions.  I am grateful for that communication.  I am sooo bad at it, but I am trying to get better.

The past week or so I have been feeling like our family needs to regroup.  I think that the kids have become "used to" Tatum's condition.  Meaning that they are continuing on with their daily activities, as they should and we want them to, but I think that they have forgotten that I can't do everything that I used to do.   I had several times today that I was reminded of this fact.  I couldn't go outside with Hilary to blow bubbles because it wasn't a good time for Tatum.  Halea is going up to the General Young Women's Broadcast tomorrow.  She is going with another great friend and her mom.  It breaks my heart to not be able to go, but I can't leave Tatum for that long.  This is all, unfortunately, temporary and so I am fine with it.  It just makes me feel sad.  There is no solution for it, it is just life right now, and that's OK.  I would not sacrifice any of the time I have to spend holding Tatum and memorizing her face and her toes and her hands and her teeth and her eyes.  I can go to the broadcast next year and I can blow bubbles tomorrow while Lance sits for a bit with Tatum.

I will forever be grateful for this time I have to be Tatum's mom.  There is something special about these kids that don't have to stay here on earth for very long.  I just want to soak it all in.

Here are some pictures from swimming.  Notice how excited Tatum is:)


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