Tatum update: She had a HORRIBLE night. I can't even explain it. It was one of her worst nights. She went to bed pretty good but she woke up at 1:30 and was seizing constantly. I held her until about 6:30 am. I was dozing in and out. Having that weird sleep where you wake up and can't lift your head because you fell asleep sitting up and your neck is all cranked to the side. So I don't even count that really. On top of horribly uncomfortable sleep I was having weird dreams because I was really scared that she was going to die. I just kept thinking about Hilary and Halea and the fact that their birthdays are just days away. I don't want them to have horrible memories of their birthdays. I was a little delirious. I think that all of these little episodes are preparation for when Tatum really does leave us. It is a slow preparation for my heart. I hate it that we are preparing for such a thing. I thought a lot about all of our mortality today. Really we are all slowly dieing, right? Uplifting thought I know. It makes me feel better to think of it in these terms because then if seems more normal and natural, which it is. It is just hard as a parent to wrap your mind and heart around. I did end up giving Tatum a little extra medication (sounds like I needed some too:) to see if I could get her seizures to settle down. A few hours after giving the medication she did get into a good sleep pattern and was able to rest. I took a few hours to rest also. Luckily Lance stayed home today so I could rest. When I finally got going this morning, I was surprisingly not tired. Tender mercies! The rest of the day was actually pretty good for Tatum. I only suctioned her once for just a little bit. She is totally resting pretty calm tonight. Hopefully it will be a good night.
The good thing about her sleeping weird was that she woke up later to get her morning routine. Hilary was awake and so she got to help this morning, one of our helping hands today!:
Tonight I had to run out and do a few errands so I stopped and got Cafe Rio for all of us that were at home. I hadn't been there for a long time. It used to be a favorite of mine and Lance's for date night. When I walked in to pick up the food it was a really weird feeling. Like I was walking into a former life. It felt so abnormal to me. Like I didn't belong. It is hard to explain. I was happy to go home and eat and do the things that are "normal" to me now. I don't know how I will ever re enter that life again.
When I got home I went to empty the dishwasher and Lance had already done it! What a good guy. I was excited because that meant I could go sit with Tate's a little sooner. Then the dog peed on the floor, so I got to clean that up instead. Grrr. I think she is mental. She is for sure making me mental. I must add, however, that she has been a great little friend for Hilary. I know that sounds weird, but they really entertain one another sometimes when I really need them to. I will have to tolerate some of her psychotic behaviors.
I want to thank all of the friends, neighbors, family etc. who have been our helping hands these past two months. I can't believe the service that has been rendered in our behalf. It is truly overwhelming. I am so thankful for the tender mercies that have come from our Heavenly Father through all of you.
I am excited to hear the counsel from our Heavenly Father tomorrow and Sunday through the talks that will be given. I love conference time. The words are always so inspired and personal. I know that we will find comfort and answers n the words that will be spoken. Our family is in desperate need of comfort at this time. Conference could not have come at a better time.