Thursday, April 4, 2013

One of Those Days

The past two days have seemed to just blend together.  I was too tired to post last night.  Tatum seems to be about the same.  She has seemed a little weaker and tired, but she still has times of being alert and smiley.  I just feel time slipping away.  I want to just soak her up while she is here.  I am so appreciative of her efforts to give us more time.  I don't know if I will ever be satisfied.  That sounds so selfish, but I am just being honest.  If it were up to me I would just keep her forever.  I know that is not what she wants or needs, so I will concede when it comes time.  Until then I will just enjoy.

The other night I was in a store and a lady had a baby who was probably about 6 months old.  He was just crying in his car seat.  She just kept rocking his car seat to try and quiet him, but he was having none of it.  I just wanted to go and see if I could pick him up and hold her until she was done conducting her business.  I wish I could have told her nicely that she should be grateful that her baby could cry and move.  I couldn't think of a non offensive way, so I just watched her and got a little teary. I think that my emotions are a little more heightened at this point.  I hope that out of all of this that we all appreciate a little more the sweet children that we have been blessed with, especially those babies.  I include my self in this hope.   I was not very pleased with some of my kids today.  I was trying to have them help me do some things in the yard today, because I just can't do it all.  Well, surprise, they were not super happy.  Thus I had "one of those days".  I feel like a failure because I feel like I have not taught my kids a very good work ethic, or respect for their parents.  Our neighbor across the street did an entire makeover of their yard during spring break. They were out there for like 10 hours every day, I am sure not a complaint:).  All I wanted was an hour or two of hard work.  It is like they are teenagers or something?  I just wish I could get a pass card at this sort of hard time of my life.  A pass card that would just make our home a bliss all of the time.  Our kids would listen always, we would sing and whistle and a fairy would clean the house and make our dinner and do our laundry.  Is that too much to ask?  Probably is.  That is not real life.  So tomorrow I will wake up and try to have a better attitude.  I want Tatum to see us for the family that we really are.  Trevin only got to experience Lance and I here on earth (poor soul).  Tatum is getting the full Monty of our family.  I want her memories and report to him to be good.  "They are way cool, they never fight (maybe a little unrealistic), they are super funny and loud!  But they love each other and they love you and they love the Savior and our Heavenly Father and they live the gospel"  That is what I want her to say.  We are going to have to work hard to erase today from her memory.

While we were doing yard work, I put her in her cute little portable bed and wheeled her out on to the porch because it was such a lovely day.  I think that she liked it.  One of my neighbors drove by and thought she looked like a little queen perched on her throne.  I will have to take a picture of her next time I do it!  I can't believe that I didn't, silly me.

Tomorrow I will be more cheery.  Thanks for another day sweet Tater bug.
More of the pictures that our friend took a few weeks ago.  Adorable

Tatum should totally be a foot model, right?  Maybe I am partial, but I could kiss on those feet all day:)


  1. I know what you mean by wanting to talk to a stranger. After our babies died I was in a store. A mother was there with her daughter and she was mad at her and shaking her arm because her daughter was playing and and not behaving the way she thought she should. I told the woman how lucky she was in my head instead of telling her out loud for fear of not being able to keep my tender emotions under control and coming across as a freak. The woman wasn't necessarily abusing her daughter she was just frustrated with her daughter. All I wanted to do was to tell her that I would have given anything to have been in her shoes. Instead I just stood there and watched them both as tears filled my eyes. XOXOXOXO I love you my friend!

  2. I've had those moments, too. Lately in Wal-Mart, I see a lot of 2-3 year olds, being just their age. And moms are frustrated and my heart breaks, not just for them but for me, too. And the moments with my other kids, too. No worries, Tatum doesn't expect the family to be perfect. She just wants the love, and you guys do love, beautifully. Hugs my friend. Does it help having visitors, or is it just more exhausting and take time from your family? I'd love to come see you, but really don't want to intrude.