Pulling at my Heart Strings

Tatum update:  I would say Tatum had a fair day.  She slept really good last night, but once she was up at 6am, she was up for good.   I don't think she fell back to sleep until after 1:00.  Silly little girl.  Needless to say, my morning was a little bit Topsy turvy because of it.  She had a few times where she was having trouble with her secretions, but overall that was pretty OK today.  I am sad because her seizures seem to be in her face a little bit more right now, so her smiles are harder to get.  You have to be really watching to catch them.
When I was getting Hilary ready for the day I said something about Tatum and she said "I am Hilary Jane Walker".  It made me smile, but it just struck me that Tatum will never say her name.  Hilary says her own name so cute.  It got me thinking about all of the things that we will not experience with little Tatum.  I can't stay there too long because it makes me really sad.  The thing that helps me is that I know that she is OK not doing those things here on earth.  I really do feel that.  I talk to her a lot and there is wisdom in her eyes.  She is doing what she is supposed to do.  So hard for me to understand, but I am trying.
We took a little adventure to the American Fork hospital today.  Someone had donated some cute little dolls and so I was taking them to the social worker there.  I decided to take  the girls in so we could visit with our nurse friends.  It really isn't a lot different taking Tatum now than before she got sick.   We just haul a few extra accessories, a feeding pump, Oxygen, suction machine and a sat monitor.  We are quite a sight.  Luckily since we were only going in for a few minutes, we were able to leave everything in the car except the oxygen.  Easy breezy.  It was fun to go and see some friends.  I want people to really meet Tatum up close and personal because I think that she has the ability to touch people and change and soften hearts.
We then went to the Orthodontist with the kids.  We dropped Heidi and Holden off and then I went and picked up the rest of the kids from school.  Back to the orthodontist and they were already done!  They are so good to me.  I am sure they gave them preferential treatment to get them through quicker.  Is it weird to love your orthodontist office?  Call me if you need a referral!
In the midst of all of this crazy day we had been trying to arrange for some things for Halea's 17th birthday.  17 years has literally flown by.  What a beautiful young lady she has grown up to be.
We got home and got everyone settled and had dinner and the Bishop and the Stake President came by to visit.   They are great men who love the Savior.  We have known and admired President Raines for a long time.  It was wonderful to visit with them and share our sweet Tatum with them.  I hope that they could feel who she is.
After all of the activities I was holding Tatum and guess what, 2 more teeth!  What?  She must be miserable  and she doesn't even get to use them.  She does use them to bite the tube when I am trying to suction her.  It is her last line of defense.  Pretty soon I won't be able to get the tube in her mouth! Poor little thing.

It was just a tender day with a lot of good things and some things that made me a little bit sad, pulling at my heart strings.  Tomorrow is also the two month anniversary of Tatum's big seizure.  I can't believe that we have been able to have her for 2 months.  There have been a few times that I thought for sure she was dieing.  I am so grateful for this bonus time.  I really don't want it to end. When is that second coming again?

I was extremely grateful for a three year old today who calls her big girl underpants, "wunderware"!  I hope that she calls them that forever.  Halea did think that nail polish was called "poll nolish" until she was in the 4th or 5th grade because we thought it was so cute, we didn't have the heart to correct her.  She wasn't very happy with us when one of her friends pointed it out to her:)
Grateful for good friends and neighbors who continue to carry us through this difficult time.  Not a day goes by that someone doesn't call or drop something off to us.  People are so kind.  I have learned a lot from their examples.
So grateful for home health that we can keep Tatum home with us.
Grateful for our kids who will sit with Tatum if I need to run somewhere or do something around the house.
Grateful that Tatum can still smile and look at us.
Grateful for the lessons she is teaching us each day.
Honored to be the one chosen to care for her while she is here on earth.  It is a sacred calling, one that I would do for the rest of my life if needed and one that I will forever be grateful for.  
Grateful for the Savior who makes it possible for me to be her mother always.
We love our Tater bug.

Grateful for a friend that let us have this.  As Halea put it "a dream come true!"  Are you sensing a little sarcasm?  It truly has been a help.  I have actually used it a few times.  It just looks right at home hanging in the big white van!

 Someone just left this sitting outside of our garage today.  Hopefully it was for us, cause we took it.  So true, and He is.

Cute Tater bug partying in her Dora jammies.  She was a little worn out from our big day....

And from growing two more teeth, which makes a total of 6!  3 on top 3 on bottom.  funny